Life, as they say, without friends , is usually boring. The best example would be imagining yourself standing alone in a railway station (when the trains are delayed by more than an hour ) and then imagining yourself with your buddy group for the same duration, there .
Especially if you have friends like i have, believe me, they will make each second of your living worth the effort you may take to live.
Since most of my friends are young and habitually non committed , we have all the time over the weekends to meet up and laugh to the hearts content. The root to the laughter session usually would be someone within the group. Not necessarily one has to do something silly to be laughed at. Believe me, when everyone is acting silly and you act sane, chances are very high, you would be the one laughed at.
There has been times when each one of us may have thought and rethought the sanity levels of the group. But as they say, the birds of same feather, you know, always flocks together.
I have taken my own time to understand the dynamics of my buddy-group to understand when you would end up being the topic of group laughter or expense bearer for others fun. Post understanding these, i devised strategies as well. I have also used these strategies successfully with my other peer groups. Yes, Successfully!!!
For example, if you feel the table is turning upon you and you may have to bear the burnt,
1) Change the topic.
2) Involve the opposing leader (there always is one) into the topic.
3) Kill your dignity and make fun of yourself.(This is easy, trust me).
Yet you need real guts and smooth talent to do any of these. And to know when to use what, is a mission in itself.
Shopkeeper: " Kya naukri karte ho sir? " (After 25 mins spent into befriending him and negotiating a super discount this is what he came up with)
Me: " Investment Banking "
Shopkeeper: " Bank me ho? Kaunsa bank?"
Me: " Bank nahi.........." Investment bank"!!! "
Shopkeeper: " Acha!! yeh Investment bank kya kaam karta hai? Bank se alag hai kya??"
Me: Well, they are into a host of activities including M & A advisory, Raising public money (IPO) , overseas borrowing FCCBs, ADR , GDR, Complex financial transactions,financial restructuring, management takeover, spinoffs and also advising institutions on their investment strategies.
This is what i should have told,but thanks to my lazy attitude, i replied to him,
"Humlog Share bazar me kaam karte hain ( "Share bazar" i told as if Gujarati blood is what i am filled of)"
Shopkeeper: " ooh acha...Dalal ho !! "..( with a smile he said this as if he had decoded a complex derivative equation)
This was reason enough for Vinay and Sarath and CJ who were along with me for purchasing shoes, to laugh their wits out. All the three were creating a ruckus laughing very loudly leaving the shopkeeper with a killing guilt. And me?.... Offcourse my guilt was buried the same day i made friendship with these creatures. I was thinking really hard as to which expression would make me look sane, and not make the shopkeeper loose his cool and take back the discount he showered a few minutes before.
Just to conclude , there are times when the above three strategies wont work . One has to be dynamic and at the same time shameless to face these situations bravely. Huh!!!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Namaste and welcome to India ,President Obama !!
To President Obama,
Your excellency, I read today in one of our morning dailies , that you would be coming to India in the month of November.
I smiled immediately. Really
Sir, it would be just great if this is really going to happen. You see, Our country is in its highest growth trajectory. Atleast, Sir, that's what i have read in the same morning daily. This is when i became skeptical about the authenticity of the news. I mean , the news that you are going to come to our country. Hence i thought to mail you directly.
Sir you see, our's is a very different country with diverse population. But one thing is common with us. It is that our memory is short lived. But that's good actually. Else people would start wearing masks again , fearing swine flu has not gone completely.
Sir, thanks to your country's economists, we too have been deriving growth numbers by the expenses we make. After all savings are so yesterday .
And we have been posting great growth numbers.
However Sir don't jump off your seat at the point that you are blessed enough to see our country on official visit during your term as the President of USA. Almost all the ex-Presidents of your country have done it. Sir , even Shakira once came here. But that's different. You can ask your immediate predecessor Mr Bush or his predecessor Mr Clinton who have paid visits to India during their terms, about India. They will vouch that "India was in its highest growth trajectory "even then. And yes you will also be garlanded when you arrive here in your Air force One flight. (Sir , we have grown enough now, to have our own Air force one. Even our President flies in one. I know the definition of "President" is different in each of our countries in terms of responsibilities. But Sir!! definition of Charter Aeroplane is the same , after all)
Sir just to keep you updated on what i have researched about US President's visiting India. Sir , i feel they get tainted post their visit to our country. I mean, Mr Bush was pushed back and forth with the Afghanistan issue and Mr Clinton, Sir , that you know . So be careful Sir. I have high regard for you. It feels nice to see you play with your kids on the humongous lawn of your house. White house.
Sir, even we have our version of White house. It is actually better than yours. It is called the Taj Mahal. But we dont allow individuals to enter the place. Atleast thats what is told to us Sir.
Well Sir, i can suggest some places where you should visit when you come here sir. I am a good guide you see.
I understand you would come only post Diwali festival here. Sir, Diwali is the festival wherein we celebrate the victory of good over evil by bursting crackers.
There is a lot of noise and fire everywhere. Dont worry sir. You will not miss any action even though you are late. Sir i suggest you take a look at Andhra Pradesh or Orissa or Jammu and Cashmir (oh I misspelled) . These places have been showing some fire and some cracking. Afterall it is about deciding who is good....... no i mean who is winning over whom.
Our Prime Minister might suggest you to take the Nature Cure massage in the state of Kerala. God's own country, it is sir. Oh !! No Sir, it has been renamed "Keralam". I know you would be wondering what is the point in renaming a state. That too one which is God's own. But Sir, We have renamed cities, states, towns and even villages quiet easily. Sir we even rename ourselves numerologically.We are the inventors of Zero , you see (I mean the number ,Sir) . We love anything that is number.
Well Sir, Coming back to the massage theme. I suggest it would be boring and a waste of your expensive time to go all the way to Keralam for a massage. Instead i suggest sir, you take a local suburban train ride from Virar station to Dadar Stations in Mumbai . You will experience a new form of body massage.And for that too for Free. (You are our guest . And we treat guests with respect.)
Again you would be asked to see Bangalore, Mysore ,Chennai and other such places. No need Sir. These are the places which virtually run your country now. You would not feel very distant from your homeland there.
Sir, No !! Dont even think about going to Taj Mahal . No i dont mean the Hotel. They say, Its safe now. I mean India's White House. Sir Everyone goes there. Even Prince Charles went there. You have to be different Sir. Moreover everyone will be seeing you. Just you. I know that is very awefull to be the center of attraction.
So, Sir I suggest you wait at Dadar Station. Dadar station is the only railway station common to both the Central and the Western lines of the local railway network in Mumbai. Sir , Trust me, No one would give a damn about you standing there. Some may even bump into you and swear you for standing there, but wont identify you. ( Sometimes it feels so good when someone does not know who we are. People become so original then)
Our Prime Minister, i am sure, would have been happy if you could have come in before October to see the development work going around in Delhi, his state, for the Commonwealth Games which we are hosting. Dont worry Sir. You wont miss much. You can see the same underconstruction roads, pavements, bannerholdings, till you go back. Yes that is well post the commonwealth games conclusion.Infact you can comeover next year at the same time and yes....you guessed it right ......it will be the same. After all this exercise was just for the Commonwealth games. Once the games are done we dont waste our time and energy into it.
There is one more place in India which i suggest strongly that you visit. It is Bhopal. Yes you got it right sir. This is exactly the place where your countryman worked and leaked gas two decades ago for which our judicial system found him guilty now. No Sir !! dont feel bad about the episode. You should feel proud about being in America . Sir, You know what....... the total compensation that was awarded to those affected by the tragedy is not even a fraction of the compensation which you sought from the Oil companies who spilled oil in your waterzone and affected the marine life.
Yes i know you will be smiling now. You should. And you got it right sir. The value of a fish in America is much much more than the cost of a life in India. You are brilliant sir.
Just a small suggestion as they say in some countries. Like in China you should not give anyone a lantern to anyone . In Brazil people dont give gifts that are purple or black etc. We dont mind any gift Sir, but please ensure you dont use non parliamentary words. No i dont mean bad words. I mean words like "Inflation", "Poverty", " Declining Agricultural output " "Fodder hoarding" , Or anything related to games. It is a trend here to associate scamsters with games.
Otherwise we are shining.
Once again, Namaste and welcome to India ,President Obama.
Your excellency, I read today in one of our morning dailies , that you would be coming to India in the month of November.
I smiled immediately. Really
Sir, it would be just great if this is really going to happen. You see, Our country is in its highest growth trajectory. Atleast, Sir, that's what i have read in the same morning daily. This is when i became skeptical about the authenticity of the news. I mean , the news that you are going to come to our country. Hence i thought to mail you directly.
Sir you see, our's is a very different country with diverse population. But one thing is common with us. It is that our memory is short lived. But that's good actually. Else people would start wearing masks again , fearing swine flu has not gone completely.
Sir, thanks to your country's economists, we too have been deriving growth numbers by the expenses we make. After all savings are so yesterday .
And we have been posting great growth numbers.
However Sir don't jump off your seat at the point that you are blessed enough to see our country on official visit during your term as the President of USA. Almost all the ex-Presidents of your country have done it. Sir , even Shakira once came here. But that's different. You can ask your immediate predecessor Mr Bush or his predecessor Mr Clinton who have paid visits to India during their terms, about India. They will vouch that "India was in its highest growth trajectory "even then. And yes you will also be garlanded when you arrive here in your Air force One flight. (Sir , we have grown enough now, to have our own Air force one. Even our President flies in one. I know the definition of "President" is different in each of our countries in terms of responsibilities. But Sir!! definition of Charter Aeroplane is the same , after all)
Sir just to keep you updated on what i have researched about US President's visiting India. Sir , i feel they get tainted post their visit to our country. I mean, Mr Bush was pushed back and forth with the Afghanistan issue and Mr Clinton, Sir , that you know . So be careful Sir. I have high regard for you. It feels nice to see you play with your kids on the humongous lawn of your house. White house.
Sir, even we have our version of White house. It is actually better than yours. It is called the Taj Mahal. But we dont allow individuals to enter the place. Atleast thats what is told to us Sir.
Well Sir, i can suggest some places where you should visit when you come here sir. I am a good guide you see.
I understand you would come only post Diwali festival here. Sir, Diwali is the festival wherein we celebrate the victory of good over evil by bursting crackers.
There is a lot of noise and fire everywhere. Dont worry sir. You will not miss any action even though you are late. Sir i suggest you take a look at Andhra Pradesh or Orissa or Jammu and Cashmir (oh I misspelled) . These places have been showing some fire and some cracking. Afterall it is about deciding who is good....... no i mean who is winning over whom.
Our Prime Minister might suggest you to take the Nature Cure massage in the state of Kerala. God's own country, it is sir. Oh !! No Sir, it has been renamed "Keralam". I know you would be wondering what is the point in renaming a state. That too one which is God's own. But Sir, We have renamed cities, states, towns and even villages quiet easily. Sir we even rename ourselves numerologically.We are the inventors of Zero , you see (I mean the number ,Sir) . We love anything that is number.
Well Sir, Coming back to the massage theme. I suggest it would be boring and a waste of your expensive time to go all the way to Keralam for a massage. Instead i suggest sir, you take a local suburban train ride from Virar station to Dadar Stations in Mumbai . You will experience a new form of body massage.And for that too for Free. (You are our guest . And we treat guests with respect.)
Again you would be asked to see Bangalore, Mysore ,Chennai and other such places. No need Sir. These are the places which virtually run your country now. You would not feel very distant from your homeland there.
Sir, No !! Dont even think about going to Taj Mahal . No i dont mean the Hotel. They say, Its safe now. I mean India's White House. Sir Everyone goes there. Even Prince Charles went there. You have to be different Sir. Moreover everyone will be seeing you. Just you. I know that is very awefull to be the center of attraction.
So, Sir I suggest you wait at Dadar Station. Dadar station is the only railway station common to both the Central and the Western lines of the local railway network in Mumbai. Sir , Trust me, No one would give a damn about you standing there. Some may even bump into you and swear you for standing there, but wont identify you. ( Sometimes it feels so good when someone does not know who we are. People become so original then)
Our Prime Minister, i am sure, would have been happy if you could have come in before October to see the development work going around in Delhi, his state, for the Commonwealth Games which we are hosting. Dont worry Sir. You wont miss much. You can see the same underconstruction roads, pavements, bannerholdings, till you go back. Yes that is well post the commonwealth games conclusion.Infact you can comeover next year at the same time and yes....you guessed it right ......it will be the same. After all this exercise was just for the Commonwealth games. Once the games are done we dont waste our time and energy into it.
There is one more place in India which i suggest strongly that you visit. It is Bhopal. Yes you got it right sir. This is exactly the place where your countryman worked and leaked gas two decades ago for which our judicial system found him guilty now. No Sir !! dont feel bad about the episode. You should feel proud about being in America . Sir, You know what....... the total compensation that was awarded to those affected by the tragedy is not even a fraction of the compensation which you sought from the Oil companies who spilled oil in your waterzone and affected the marine life.
Yes i know you will be smiling now. You should. And you got it right sir. The value of a fish in America is much much more than the cost of a life in India. You are brilliant sir.
Just a small suggestion as they say in some countries. Like in China you should not give anyone a lantern to anyone . In Brazil people dont give gifts that are purple or black etc. We dont mind any gift Sir, but please ensure you dont use non parliamentary words. No i dont mean bad words. I mean words like "Inflation", "Poverty", " Declining Agricultural output " "Fodder hoarding" , Or anything related to games. It is a trend here to associate scamsters with games.
Otherwise we are shining.
Once again, Namaste and welcome to India ,President Obama.
Monday, August 30, 2010
How to rule a country
" How to rule a country "
Well i have had serious considerations for alternate employment. Not that i hate my present occupation. I really love it ........ i mean really really more than the new pair of socks which i purchased last week. ....... But then there are times when you open your eyes to happenings around your mortal body and find everything is controlled. (In simple English it means beyond - your - control)
Yes we are an In-dependent country . I have no Doubts about that. No doubts that we took the option to be controlled by uneducated and insensitive crooks rather than being controlled by white skinned dummies. But almost every nation in the world map has been ruled by some foreigner, sometime.
For what History states, only three nations have never let themselves be ruled by foreigners. They are China, Afghanistan, and Abyssinia. These are the only three nations I admire. But that's different.
The point i was trying to make is this. For sometime now i have been studying how India works. I mean how is it being operated by people who have Italian Pasta or Punjabi rotis for lunch ( Whom do they have for lunch? no i mean what do they have for lunch??). It seemed a bit tough and expensive to crack that. So over the weekend i decided to write down my own principles to run a country. Yes offcourse they are just some Noble thoughts i gathered from existing politicians and their ideas.
How to start? Say you are given a country to run then these are some basics you should adhere to.
1) Honor: Create a false sense of Honor for the place they live in. Give it a fancy emotional adjective - say Motherland ( i know except Germany all nations have used this trick already..............and for those who dont know Germany is called Fatherland and never Motherland)
Offcourse those who dont find honor in the nation once we declare it as "Honorable" , they are terrorists. Simple. Now they can be excluded or executed.
2) Subdivision : We have taken a slice of this idea from foreigners "Divide and rule policy" . Hey but this is for commonman's good. We are creating different states for effective administration (read: a Series of bosses). And what more.... the common man will appoint your area head, who will appoint a regional head who will appoint a divisional head. See your choice of appointment is so important. ( just ensure the divisional head always chooses to lick your shoes)
So any great thing happening in your town, you can always praise the Government for its ideas and policies.
3) Security: Now that, except the above three countries all have been ruled atleast once by foreigners, we can always sell this as a concept. We can keep telling the commoners that "We" the government protect you from being slaved and told to do what someone else wants you to do. So simply listen to what "We" say and ask you to do.
Inspite of this , If someone strikes a bomb at anypart of your country, you can do two things. 1) The culprit is the country which you had immediate enmity with and 2) point the Divisional heads for this mishap and mismanagement. So any un-great thing happening in your town, you can always put it on the divisional head who will put it on the regional head who will put it on the area head who will say, the head of some other division was responsible. And this keeps going on.
Make it such a mess that the common man feels its better to be forgot than fought.
4) Media: This is the most important piece. Be it any form, the government controls it. So if there is a major law and order problem which might put the government to shame, ensure it is covered properly and put in the most un-important section in the media where no one would ever notice. And remember, the wordings have to be soft and short. Afterall, as a commonman one is supposed to have short memory of happenings. Again you have the liberty to create un important issues and make it the headlines.
5) Corporates and Inflation: These are the two key words to ensure your son studies at Harvard or Oxford and joins politics once he is done with his studies. Well this is a tricky one as well. You have to ensure there is a constant rise in price of the basic ingredients ( so that the corporates can make unreasonable profits ) and you have to see to it that there are no Satyagraha type protest for them.The increase in price has to be reasonably shared between the corporate and you. If there is any hue or cry about it. Just ensure you have a Oxford educated Economist in your panel, having a sober image and simple face who says " Inflation will come down in the coming quarter." Also after a few lines ensure you say this "Inflation is a by-product of growth. If you want your Nation to grow, Inflation is inevitable".
There is one more idea. If the price of salt is Rs 10/kg today, increase it to Rs100/kg in the next week. People will shout that this is injustice the inflation (rise in price ) is 900%. Let this go on..... Next week increase the price by Rs 1/kg (ie a price of Rs 101/kg) . Now declare the inflation has come down to 1% compared to 900% last week. Common man will say, see the government cares...... they brought the inflation down. But use this tool rationally when you want support. If not needed support server yourself first. (See i told you, you need honest looking Oxford educated guys with you)
6) Scams: These are tools to be used when your companion gets idea of withdrawing support to you. Help him without evidence, when he commits the scam. And then use that to your benefit. There are many avenues, like telecom Spectrum, Cricket matches, train derailments etc. Take an appropriate pick.
(Quiet rational - if someone has to be your companion, ensure he has a criminal background or atleast a criminal mindset, so that you can ensure you are safe always)
7) Dressing: This is the most important one. You may roam around in German cars, might have a home made of Italian marble (see this country comes again), might be hawking for chinese food, your children may be at US universities or whatever..... but you should ensure your dress code is "traditional".
You will definitely have umpteen choices as different regions based on thier climatic conditions would be using different clothing style. So dont worry.
8) Discussions: Ensure personally important matters are cleared by your team at a faster pace. For example if you want a three fold hike, clear it immediately. Floods , rural suicides , power shortage, creeping inflation and all can wait.
Well actually the list can just go on and i have just infinite ideas. But these eight points will ensure a fool proof life as a ruler.
Well there is one more point which i was a bit sceptical if i should write. As soon as you get the rules for survival from a person, destroy him. He is dangerous.
Well i have had serious considerations for alternate employment. Not that i hate my present occupation. I really love it ........ i mean really really more than the new pair of socks which i purchased last week. ....... But then there are times when you open your eyes to happenings around your mortal body and find everything is controlled. (In simple English it means beyond - your - control)
Yes we are an In-dependent country . I have no Doubts about that. No doubts that we took the option to be controlled by uneducated and insensitive crooks rather than being controlled by white skinned dummies. But almost every nation in the world map has been ruled by some foreigner, sometime.
For what History states, only three nations have never let themselves be ruled by foreigners. They are China, Afghanistan, and Abyssinia. These are the only three nations I admire. But that's different.
The point i was trying to make is this. For sometime now i have been studying how India works. I mean how is it being operated by people who have Italian Pasta or Punjabi rotis for lunch ( Whom do they have for lunch? no i mean what do they have for lunch??). It seemed a bit tough and expensive to crack that. So over the weekend i decided to write down my own principles to run a country. Yes offcourse they are just some Noble thoughts i gathered from existing politicians and their ideas.
How to start? Say you are given a country to run then these are some basics you should adhere to.
1) Honor: Create a false sense of Honor for the place they live in. Give it a fancy emotional adjective - say Motherland ( i know except Germany all nations have used this trick already..............and for those who dont know Germany is called Fatherland and never Motherland)
Offcourse those who dont find honor in the nation once we declare it as "Honorable" , they are terrorists. Simple. Now they can be excluded or executed.
2) Subdivision : We have taken a slice of this idea from foreigners "Divide and rule policy" . Hey but this is for commonman's good. We are creating different states for effective administration (read: a Series of bosses). And what more.... the common man will appoint your area head, who will appoint a regional head who will appoint a divisional head. See your choice of appointment is so important. ( just ensure the divisional head always chooses to lick your shoes)
So any great thing happening in your town, you can always praise the Government for its ideas and policies.
3) Security: Now that, except the above three countries all have been ruled atleast once by foreigners, we can always sell this as a concept. We can keep telling the commoners that "We" the government protect you from being slaved and told to do what someone else wants you to do. So simply listen to what "We" say and ask you to do.
Inspite of this , If someone strikes a bomb at anypart of your country, you can do two things. 1) The culprit is the country which you had immediate enmity with and 2) point the Divisional heads for this mishap and mismanagement. So any un-great thing happening in your town, you can always put it on the divisional head who will put it on the regional head who will put it on the area head who will say, the head of some other division was responsible. And this keeps going on.
Make it such a mess that the common man feels its better to be forgot than fought.
4) Media: This is the most important piece. Be it any form, the government controls it. So if there is a major law and order problem which might put the government to shame, ensure it is covered properly and put in the most un-important section in the media where no one would ever notice. And remember, the wordings have to be soft and short. Afterall, as a commonman one is supposed to have short memory of happenings. Again you have the liberty to create un important issues and make it the headlines.
5) Corporates and Inflation: These are the two key words to ensure your son studies at Harvard or Oxford and joins politics once he is done with his studies. Well this is a tricky one as well. You have to ensure there is a constant rise in price of the basic ingredients ( so that the corporates can make unreasonable profits ) and you have to see to it that there are no Satyagraha type protest for them.The increase in price has to be reasonably shared between the corporate and you. If there is any hue or cry about it. Just ensure you have a Oxford educated Economist in your panel, having a sober image and simple face who says " Inflation will come down in the coming quarter." Also after a few lines ensure you say this "Inflation is a by-product of growth. If you want your Nation to grow, Inflation is inevitable".
There is one more idea. If the price of salt is Rs 10/kg today, increase it to Rs100/kg in the next week. People will shout that this is injustice the inflation (rise in price ) is 900%. Let this go on..... Next week increase the price by Rs 1/kg (ie a price of Rs 101/kg) . Now declare the inflation has come down to 1% compared to 900% last week. Common man will say, see the government cares...... they brought the inflation down. But use this tool rationally when you want support. If not needed support server yourself first. (See i told you, you need honest looking Oxford educated guys with you)
6) Scams: These are tools to be used when your companion gets idea of withdrawing support to you. Help him without evidence, when he commits the scam. And then use that to your benefit. There are many avenues, like telecom Spectrum, Cricket matches, train derailments etc. Take an appropriate pick.
(Quiet rational - if someone has to be your companion, ensure he has a criminal background or atleast a criminal mindset, so that you can ensure you are safe always)
7) Dressing: This is the most important one. You may roam around in German cars, might have a home made of Italian marble (see this country comes again), might be hawking for chinese food, your children may be at US universities or whatever..... but you should ensure your dress code is "traditional".
You will definitely have umpteen choices as different regions based on thier climatic conditions would be using different clothing style. So dont worry.
8) Discussions: Ensure personally important matters are cleared by your team at a faster pace. For example if you want a three fold hike, clear it immediately. Floods , rural suicides , power shortage, creeping inflation and all can wait.
Well actually the list can just go on and i have just infinite ideas. But these eight points will ensure a fool proof life as a ruler.
Well there is one more point which i was a bit sceptical if i should write. As soon as you get the rules for survival from a person, destroy him. He is dangerous.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
May Your Soul Rest in Piece(s).
"Dude you indeed have guts !!! "
I had sighed right on our second meeting. He was standing bang outside the auditoruim of my college and ...yeah...smoking!!! . Back then he dint care much, and replied back." What man Rax, why should one bother at all?" till unexpectedly a couple of our professors gave him dirty glances as they were passing by.
And indeed like a super training to his reflex or something, in less than a jiffy that ciggarrate was below his feet and he was smiling back at them and had the marketing case open in his hand as well !!!. ( I still wonder how he digested all the smoke !!)
Otherwise Vinay has been very gutsy and brave. (Again, except once when he was shit scared as i took his car out for a drive with him seated on the backseat .It was reasonable , as back then, I did not know how to drive a car - or even to stop a running car.)
Opinions about him used to vary widely among us friends – he was very responsible to some, utterly irresponsible to many- many other , a chain smoker, a wonderful dancer, had a tongue for Japnese food, in-your-face sense of humor. And, oh boy, he was as smart as the devil himself.
On a lighter note heads used to turn (away) when he used to sing. It is even, roumoured, that dogs used to run helter-skelter to cover their ears, and residents in the raidus of 5 kilometers used to shut their windows and doors as if some alien invasion was unleashed.
Right from his school days he was a good friend, philosopher and guide for most of the girls , and then this continued right till his education was completed. He renewed this ability to a professional level, even as he entered his corporate life. But he never pursued anyone further (or is it the other way round?).
I explain it away that girls don’t like their boyfriends to be as smart. Of course, the antithesis would be that smart guys are rarely interested or find time in lesser things like girls.
Whatever it was, the effect was that , we both were usually free during college days (and post that too) and used to continue our discussion on unimportant things in life like "the demand supply curve, Case discussions, financial analysis etc to vital life changing discussions on which hotel to have dinner at or how to improve the bad and falling class attendance or the movie to be seen over the weekend, or strategy to continue with our pending badminton game.
Vinay, as he constantly said, lived to enjoy each moment in his life and would do anything to retain his independence and happiness.
Come this 28th this quintessential bachelor will be no more. And he will be missed. Happy wedding my dear friend and have a wonderful married life.
(Hope your future wife never reads this blog, as she will understand that you were a bloody chain smoker once , with an unshaved face most of the time, who later quit smoking when someone funnily told, you would go bald if you continued smoking - i know you are brave otherwise)
Most of us, especially myself, will miss you a lot when it is time to pay the dinner bill and we realize, the bill is to be shared with one person less now on.
I had sighed right on our second meeting. He was standing bang outside the auditoruim of my college and ...yeah...smoking!!! . Back then he dint care much, and replied back." What man Rax, why should one bother at all?" till unexpectedly a couple of our professors gave him dirty glances as they were passing by.
And indeed like a super training to his reflex or something, in less than a jiffy that ciggarrate was below his feet and he was smiling back at them and had the marketing case open in his hand as well !!!. ( I still wonder how he digested all the smoke !!)
Otherwise Vinay has been very gutsy and brave. (Again, except once when he was shit scared as i took his car out for a drive with him seated on the backseat .It was reasonable , as back then, I did not know how to drive a car - or even to stop a running car.)
Opinions about him used to vary widely among us friends – he was very responsible to some, utterly irresponsible to many- many other , a chain smoker, a wonderful dancer, had a tongue for Japnese food, in-your-face sense of humor. And, oh boy, he was as smart as the devil himself.
On a lighter note heads used to turn (away) when he used to sing. It is even, roumoured, that dogs used to run helter-skelter to cover their ears, and residents in the raidus of 5 kilometers used to shut their windows and doors as if some alien invasion was unleashed.
Right from his school days he was a good friend, philosopher and guide for most of the girls , and then this continued right till his education was completed. He renewed this ability to a professional level, even as he entered his corporate life. But he never pursued anyone further (or is it the other way round?).
I explain it away that girls don’t like their boyfriends to be as smart. Of course, the antithesis would be that smart guys are rarely interested or find time in lesser things like girls.
Whatever it was, the effect was that , we both were usually free during college days (and post that too) and used to continue our discussion on unimportant things in life like "the demand supply curve, Case discussions, financial analysis etc to vital life changing discussions on which hotel to have dinner at or how to improve the bad and falling class attendance or the movie to be seen over the weekend, or strategy to continue with our pending badminton game.
Vinay, as he constantly said, lived to enjoy each moment in his life and would do anything to retain his independence and happiness.
Come this 28th this quintessential bachelor will be no more. And he will be missed. Happy wedding my dear friend and have a wonderful married life.
(Hope your future wife never reads this blog, as she will understand that you were a bloody chain smoker once , with an unshaved face most of the time, who later quit smoking when someone funnily told, you would go bald if you continued smoking - i know you are brave otherwise)
Most of us, especially myself, will miss you a lot when it is time to pay the dinner bill and we realize, the bill is to be shared with one person less now on.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Muscles and Murality
Hey folks. I have been upto a million things.
Yes you can attribute this huge gap in time for any new post into this blog to this. Yes a million things.
For example in May i started with this blog.
""One fine morning, on a sunny day, in the month of April, i realized , quiet late thought it might have been, and quiet unnatural that i think about any thing, that it is surely a waste of time, of both mine and the person reading my blog, to render stupendously lengthy and stupid statements which will drain , both me and the reader , of the airtime, which can be productively used for other useless things, which need to be completed on the same day, and moreover having so many "commas' and " and's" in a single sentence never really helps anyone to gain the logical meaning of the statement.""
But i myself forgot what i was trying to write by the time i ended the above sentence.
Then i had been for holidays, then started learning to drive a car, then thought of going to gym, cleaning the mess that's my office desk is ( i even found my confirmation letter somewhere in between the mess), taking up active jogging, reducing the intake of tea, ........hey wait,,,,,dont look at it with that astonishment. I know people would actually think whats wrong with me that the word "gym" came into my blog. I know. But afterall it was just a thought. A wiered thought which flashed my mind when i was, hmmmmmm let me think, ya probably , when i had found it a bit thought to fit myself in the low cost airline seat.
Usually in such cases i try to find fault in the airline and attribute its low cost themes to being the main culprit. But somehow, this time many things forced me to rethink my inactive lifestyle.
So it was this the captain who announced in a regular sort of way that the plane was going to enter a turbulent zone and we should listen to what the seat belt sign flashed on had to tell us. Turbulence is part of regular air travel and I have gone through some serious bumpy rides myself, holding my breath and riding with the curves so that my belly is not left behind with the food inside it while the rest of my body has dipped somewhere ahead. So I wasn’t worried one jot.
Until, until…one of the stewardesses started walking in a tenst way towards her cabin to sit down and pass her hands through some metal handle(which acts as a substitute for a seatbelt to them). As minutes passed, the plane , like a Mexican bull, started to shake wildly , as if the bull was left open in the ground with me riding over its back. ( ooh poor creature)
Suddenly, I felt very cold, thinking that maybe the plane, to avoid heavy turbulence was going to move-very intelligently near the land or water or mountain peak or which ever surface. ( while in plane, no surface except the runway is safe.....or is it?)
But in terms of actual shaking of the plane and all those kinds of things I have seen in disaster movies, it was still a rather pleasant flight. Until, until… I heard the same stewardess telling a passenger two rows in front of me that there was nothing really to worry about. “The pilot has manuals and books open and checking what to do. So don’t worry,” she said with a smile and tinkled her eye. ( Times when i dont respect humor)
While all this was happening, i wondered , should i actually take up an active lifestyle which can be of good use in times like these, when i want to briskly get up from the seat. ( Now i was jammed in the seat unable to move a bit. Then ,probably , with an active lifestyle, atleast i can get up and run or jump or do something intelligent than sitting like a duck and cursing the airline.)
But anyways whats the use, Turbulence is not going to end , nor is it legal to do anything intelligent till the plane is into the final mess.
So the thought of going to gym remained just a thought. And am back to what i am best at. Sitting like a duck on my office chair and writing blogs.
Yes you can attribute this huge gap in time for any new post into this blog to this. Yes a million things.
For example in May i started with this blog.
""One fine morning, on a sunny day, in the month of April, i realized , quiet late thought it might have been, and quiet unnatural that i think about any thing, that it is surely a waste of time, of both mine and the person reading my blog, to render stupendously lengthy and stupid statements which will drain , both me and the reader , of the airtime, which can be productively used for other useless things, which need to be completed on the same day, and moreover having so many "commas' and " and's" in a single sentence never really helps anyone to gain the logical meaning of the statement.""
But i myself forgot what i was trying to write by the time i ended the above sentence.
Then i had been for holidays, then started learning to drive a car, then thought of going to gym, cleaning the mess that's my office desk is ( i even found my confirmation letter somewhere in between the mess), taking up active jogging, reducing the intake of tea, ........hey wait,,,,,dont look at it with that astonishment. I know people would actually think whats wrong with me that the word "gym" came into my blog. I know. But afterall it was just a thought. A wiered thought which flashed my mind when i was, hmmmmmm let me think, ya probably , when i had found it a bit thought to fit myself in the low cost airline seat.
Usually in such cases i try to find fault in the airline and attribute its low cost themes to being the main culprit. But somehow, this time many things forced me to rethink my inactive lifestyle.
So it was this the captain who announced in a regular sort of way that the plane was going to enter a turbulent zone and we should listen to what the seat belt sign flashed on had to tell us. Turbulence is part of regular air travel and I have gone through some serious bumpy rides myself, holding my breath and riding with the curves so that my belly is not left behind with the food inside it while the rest of my body has dipped somewhere ahead. So I wasn’t worried one jot.
Until, until…one of the stewardesses started walking in a tenst way towards her cabin to sit down and pass her hands through some metal handle(which acts as a substitute for a seatbelt to them). As minutes passed, the plane , like a Mexican bull, started to shake wildly , as if the bull was left open in the ground with me riding over its back. ( ooh poor creature)
Suddenly, I felt very cold, thinking that maybe the plane, to avoid heavy turbulence was going to move-very intelligently near the land or water or mountain peak or which ever surface. ( while in plane, no surface except the runway is safe.....or is it?)
But in terms of actual shaking of the plane and all those kinds of things I have seen in disaster movies, it was still a rather pleasant flight. Until, until… I heard the same stewardess telling a passenger two rows in front of me that there was nothing really to worry about. “The pilot has manuals and books open and checking what to do. So don’t worry,” she said with a smile and tinkled her eye. ( Times when i dont respect humor)
While all this was happening, i wondered , should i actually take up an active lifestyle which can be of good use in times like these, when i want to briskly get up from the seat. ( Now i was jammed in the seat unable to move a bit. Then ,probably , with an active lifestyle, atleast i can get up and run or jump or do something intelligent than sitting like a duck and cursing the airline.)
But anyways whats the use, Turbulence is not going to end , nor is it legal to do anything intelligent till the plane is into the final mess.
So the thought of going to gym remained just a thought. And am back to what i am best at. Sitting like a duck on my office chair and writing blogs.
Monday, April 5, 2010
A Beautiful Mind
The date was Feb 22, 2010.
It was a Monday.
The date is important, however the day is even more important .Monday.
The start of yet another drastic and unknown week. Monday, which everyone dreads. In some countries Monday is called "Blackmonday", for obvious reasons.
However if you happen to work in south Mumbai, especially when you are staying in North Mumbai and travel by ruthless local trains, also work on weekends, and yet manage to have a smile in face, Monday's become stupendously maniacal.
However this week was even more special. The last week of Feb is when the Railway Ministry and the Finance Ministry announce their Budget for the year. On this the Markets Shake. Investors listen. Ministers frown. News Channels enjoy. News Papers are heavy. Magazines are fatter. Sachin plays excellent innings.(this was my research). The list goes on.
I felt like i was on a hill station. Yes it was indeed a hill station.This is Lonavala if i am not mistaken.
Lush greenery everywhere. And Feb, wow ....the climate is cool as well. The birds are chirping everywhere. No noise of honking cars, metal kissing train wheels.The lady announcer in the railway station. Nothing is audible.
The place is just silent. The sky is blue. Really blue. Just a single cloud that is passing. .....No wait....it is bringing a fleet of its family clouds. Wow there is a sudden darkness which has gripped this place. What more to expect now, yes it is drizzling as well.
One by one, slowly , each raindrop falling and settling all over you. It is like a cold ice cube pressed over you skin. The skin sends merry signals to the brain and the brain enjoys it. The raindrops also settle over the leaves in the plant nearby.
Look at it.....it looks like a pearl !!!
I see around me, no one is visible. The road is long. Its not the usual concrete road you see daily. It is one created of mud with grass on either sides and some small plants which have indigo and violent pink flowers. The scene is mesmerizing.
I see a small rock towards the edge of the hilllock which i am walking in. Wait i am seeing someone there. I have seen that lady before. She looks beautiful. .............Wait...i know......i know........
She shifts her eyes from the open valley she had been starring,to see me.
Hi, she said and smiled .....I am Shreya Goshal.
Yeah man....thats what,,,i have seen her somewhere,,,,in some TV show. Yes she indeed looks good. Very few people are born with a beautiful face and a sweet voice and she is one of them.
Hi I am Rax, i am an avid fan of yours. i say.
Oh,,,,hmmmmm...... i came here just to stay away from my fan following and constant pestering, you see.And offcourse the hectic life.
Me too...I said, and she gave a strange look.
I mean i dont have fan following as such but yes i live a hectic life,, so i came here.
She laughs. Wow her laughter is a music in itself.
Sorry to bother you on your holiday, but can i ask you something.
Yeah tell me, friend. ( Wow she called me friend.............am i lucky or am i very lucky?)
"Nothing much but it is what you must be listening to all your life till now, .........can you sing a song for me,, please. I said with a childlike face."
She smiled back. what do i get in return? she asks with a corrupt politician's look.
Quick witted that i am, i see around, pluck one of those exotic purple flowers and hand it to her.
"All yours" i say with an innocent look.
She laughs again and says, which song do you want.
Being modest, i said, i dont want to bug you with my choices, you sing what ever you want to.
She made some noise ,which i think was adjusting the tone of her voice.
She began, Its a English poem, my own composition
i smiled.I am all ears, i said.
Just in a second i saw around, the climate is so cool, breezy. There is no sound except some beautiful birds chirping some melodious tune. I am sitting opposite Shreya Goshal and she is singing a self composed poem to me. What more do you expect of in this life. I closed my eyes and started to listen intently.
" With this life of a little sparrow,
i shout all around , in this world, both wide and narrow.
singing songs of peace and love,
i fly in these valleys and plains , then and now,
But these flowers view of bud,
Jet speed...tell me... oh you there?
WAIT,,,,something is wrong here. Even with the limited poetic and musical knowledge that i have, i can say the last stanza was rubbish. And hey, what happened to Shreya's voice. Why is it so rough? It is not sweet at all, in fact it is anything but sweet, it is hoarse.
Something is weirdly wrong. Why am i not able to open my eyes?
you there?
No,,,,hey i know this voice and at that instant moment i force my eyes open.
It was the conference room of my office. The wind was the AC which was above me and the voice was of my senior colleague.
and he repeated.." BUDGET? tell me your views and Speed up . ( Ok this explains the last few lines of the poem.......)
Maintaining a straight face as if i was thinking over it , i thought for yet another second to start logically
I started " High double-digit food inflation in 2009-10 is a great concern , i think the budget should show clear ways to bring the price rise into control.
There is a huge feeling in the market that the Income Tax limit will be increased by Rs50,000 for men , women and elderly, above the existing limit.
The implementation of Direct Tax Code (DTC) and Good and Service Tax .......................( My colleage signals me to stop here)
OK ..... These points are just too great, but Rax, we are discussing the Rail budget. Hope you are with us.
( Then i kept a i-am-not- well face and in mind cursed who-so-ever thought it best to have Railway budget and Finance Budget in the same week. But this is what would happen when you sleep less and the AC is really cold, i found later.)
I also saw Purple markers in one of my colleagues hands. And just wished i should not have given them to him thinking they are flowers to Shreya Goshal .
It was a Monday.
The date is important, however the day is even more important .Monday.
The start of yet another drastic and unknown week. Monday, which everyone dreads. In some countries Monday is called "Blackmonday", for obvious reasons.
However if you happen to work in south Mumbai, especially when you are staying in North Mumbai and travel by ruthless local trains, also work on weekends, and yet manage to have a smile in face, Monday's become stupendously maniacal.
However this week was even more special. The last week of Feb is when the Railway Ministry and the Finance Ministry announce their Budget for the year. On this the Markets Shake. Investors listen. Ministers frown. News Channels enjoy. News Papers are heavy. Magazines are fatter. Sachin plays excellent innings.(this was my research). The list goes on.
I felt like i was on a hill station. Yes it was indeed a hill station.This is Lonavala if i am not mistaken.
Lush greenery everywhere. And Feb, wow ....the climate is cool as well. The birds are chirping everywhere. No noise of honking cars, metal kissing train wheels.The lady announcer in the railway station. Nothing is audible.
The place is just silent. The sky is blue. Really blue. Just a single cloud that is passing. .....No wait....it is bringing a fleet of its family clouds. Wow there is a sudden darkness which has gripped this place. What more to expect now, yes it is drizzling as well.
One by one, slowly , each raindrop falling and settling all over you. It is like a cold ice cube pressed over you skin. The skin sends merry signals to the brain and the brain enjoys it. The raindrops also settle over the leaves in the plant nearby.
Look at it.....it looks like a pearl !!!
I see around me, no one is visible. The road is long. Its not the usual concrete road you see daily. It is one created of mud with grass on either sides and some small plants which have indigo and violent pink flowers. The scene is mesmerizing.
I see a small rock towards the edge of the hilllock which i am walking in. Wait i am seeing someone there. I have seen that lady before. She looks beautiful. .............Wait...i know......i know........
She shifts her eyes from the open valley she had been starring,to see me.
Hi, she said and smiled .....I am Shreya Goshal.
Yeah man....thats what,,,i have seen her somewhere,,,,in some TV show. Yes she indeed looks good. Very few people are born with a beautiful face and a sweet voice and she is one of them.
Hi I am Rax, i am an avid fan of yours. i say.
Oh,,,,hmmmmm...... i came here just to stay away from my fan following and constant pestering, you see.And offcourse the hectic life.
Me too...I said, and she gave a strange look.
I mean i dont have fan following as such but yes i live a hectic life,, so i came here.
She laughs. Wow her laughter is a music in itself.
Sorry to bother you on your holiday, but can i ask you something.
Yeah tell me, friend. ( Wow she called me friend.............am i lucky or am i very lucky?)
"Nothing much but it is what you must be listening to all your life till now, .........can you sing a song for me,, please. I said with a childlike face."
She smiled back. what do i get in return? she asks with a corrupt politician's look.
Quick witted that i am, i see around, pluck one of those exotic purple flowers and hand it to her.
"All yours" i say with an innocent look.
She laughs again and says, which song do you want.
Being modest, i said, i dont want to bug you with my choices, you sing what ever you want to.
She made some noise ,which i think was adjusting the tone of her voice.
She began, Its a English poem, my own composition
i smiled.I am all ears, i said.
Just in a second i saw around, the climate is so cool, breezy. There is no sound except some beautiful birds chirping some melodious tune. I am sitting opposite Shreya Goshal and she is singing a self composed poem to me. What more do you expect of in this life. I closed my eyes and started to listen intently.
" With this life of a little sparrow,
i shout all around , in this world, both wide and narrow.
singing songs of peace and love,
i fly in these valleys and plains , then and now,
But these flowers view of bud,
Jet speed...tell me... oh you there?
WAIT,,,,something is wrong here. Even with the limited poetic and musical knowledge that i have, i can say the last stanza was rubbish. And hey, what happened to Shreya's voice. Why is it so rough? It is not sweet at all, in fact it is anything but sweet, it is hoarse.
Something is weirdly wrong. Why am i not able to open my eyes?
you there?
No,,,,hey i know this voice and at that instant moment i force my eyes open.
It was the conference room of my office. The wind was the AC which was above me and the voice was of my senior colleague.
and he repeated.." BUDGET? tell me your views and Speed up . ( Ok this explains the last few lines of the poem.......)
Maintaining a straight face as if i was thinking over it , i thought for yet another second to start logically
I started " High double-digit food inflation in 2009-10 is a great concern , i think the budget should show clear ways to bring the price rise into control.
There is a huge feeling in the market that the Income Tax limit will be increased by Rs50,000 for men , women and elderly, above the existing limit.
The implementation of Direct Tax Code (DTC) and Good and Service Tax .......................( My colleage signals me to stop here)
OK ..... These points are just too great, but Rax, we are discussing the Rail budget. Hope you are with us.
( Then i kept a i-am-not- well face and in mind cursed who-so-ever thought it best to have Railway budget and Finance Budget in the same week. But this is what would happen when you sleep less and the AC is really cold, i found later.)
I also saw Purple markers in one of my colleagues hands. And just wished i should not have given them to him thinking they are flowers to Shreya Goshal .
Monday, March 1, 2010
Pyar ke side effects.
It was Sandy's fault if you ask me.
Sandy came walking weirdly from his building towards us. Something looked awfully wrong.
Sandy who flaunted a soldier's walk was walking as if a soldier came back from a war post being shot in every possible part of his body.Also his arms were bandaged, so were his legs and some band-aid over his forehead.
...........................................................................
The first time i had seen Sandy with her was last year.
Unlike us, Sandy had come to Mumbai after he was posted here for a project by his IT firm. Hence Sandy had taken an apartment on lease till his stay in Mumbai.
The first time i had seen him with her, he was sitting at the rear end of our building. By his side was she.
Sandy was playing some soft song ( Probably the Titanic theme song)and the breeze was really cool and silent. It was some time post noon and it was really calm in our area.
Both of them were facing the open space near our colony sitting on the nearby short wall.( Like Di Caprio and Kate , standing at the edge of the ship)
They were facing the other side as i was approaching them.
I saw, she had her head over his lap. Sandy casually moved his hand over her head.....and slowly moved his hand down her spine
I approached the place calmly, seeing what was going on.
By this time Sandy's hand had settled in her stomach and he slid it slowly upwards and was playing with her nose.
Sandy then, bent a little and kissed her on her nose and she reciprocated the same. Sandy playfully wiped the saliva of hers, from his cheeks and tightened the grip of his hands over her and smoothly played with her hair.
I, dumbstruck, called out to check if it was really Sandy who was sitting there.
Hearing me, She got up in a jiffy and turned back,.....Yes it indeed was Dolly........
Dolly is Sandy's neighbor's Alsatian dog.
I am not a great fan of dogs. Sandy is mad about dogs. In fact he is crazy about dogs.
Last time when i had been to his house, i could see posters of a million dogs in his room.There was one photo of a street dog, which he said was his first pet in his hometown, i.e Lucknow. Also he had seven such frames of his pets at different times.Only reason he did not have a dog in this house was since the landlord had warned severely against pets.
There is no harm in having passion for dogs. Yes they are indeed loyal and playful at times.
But the problem with Sandy is he cannot resist passing comments on other's dogs as well. In fact he passes a comment on each and every dog which he comes across.
"Look this is Great dane...looks like a military personnel doesn't he"
"wow man !!, Look at her wag her tail, it is so cute"
" ooh My God. look at that Cherry pie( he never says "dog")...she reminds me of Marlyn Monroe" ( yes he says this....even though this makes us feel as if he is a bit off balance)
We keep warning him to keep his nonsense comments a bit low..but never he did.
Rax (thats me) : " Hey u look all dressed up for today " ( we all had planned to have our dinner out)
Sandy : Shut up man, i am not able to even walk.
Sarath: Good God! what the hell did you do?
Vinay: Did you try suicide after seeing yourself in mirror
( all had a hearty laugh here)
Sarath: Did you reveal to someone , you came from North?
Rax: Did you board the Ladies special train?
(Again a series of laughter here)
Sandy : Shut up you all....i am struggling in pain...( he said with an expression of disgust)
Sarath : So tell what the hell happened?
Sandy : Nothing much man......Yesterday i came early from office....so had taken Dolly for a walk down the street.
While i was crossing the signal, there was a young lady with two Dobermans, passing by.(name of a breed of dog- Also referred Police dog)
And believe me they looked so gorgeous. Especially the younger one.
Now Sandy saw us in turn, each one of us and then hung his face
The elder one was slowly gaining a growl on Dolly.
I did not notice it.I un-noticingly said "Wow She looks like Katrina".
The lady holding the dog, thought i said it to her. I dont know what differences she has with Katrina, she let loose both the dogs on us.
They started attacking Dolly and i tried to control the fight.The younger one....the beautiful one, bit me as if it was hungry for ages.And then the elder one joined as well...
( By this time we had gone mad laughing uncontrollably.....we all were rolling all over the road, holding our stomachs in laughter)
Shah Aunty (Sandy's neighbor) has said she will never let me take Dolly on rounds from now on.
(This increased our laughter even more)
After 10mins of uncontrollable laughter.
Rax: Actually you know Dogs do not like other dogs in their own territory.
So it must have got wild on you......not Dolly.
Another maniac laughter session started here.
Vinay: So Mr Katrina shall we leave if you are done with your "Dogmas"
We went all the way laughing and pulling his leg ...ooops it was injured beyond scope .....ok just teasing him.
Sandy came walking weirdly from his building towards us. Something looked awfully wrong.
Sandy who flaunted a soldier's walk was walking as if a soldier came back from a war post being shot in every possible part of his body.Also his arms were bandaged, so were his legs and some band-aid over his forehead.
...........................................................................
The first time i had seen Sandy with her was last year.
Unlike us, Sandy had come to Mumbai after he was posted here for a project by his IT firm. Hence Sandy had taken an apartment on lease till his stay in Mumbai.
The first time i had seen him with her, he was sitting at the rear end of our building. By his side was she.
Sandy was playing some soft song ( Probably the Titanic theme song)and the breeze was really cool and silent. It was some time post noon and it was really calm in our area.
Both of them were facing the open space near our colony sitting on the nearby short wall.( Like Di Caprio and Kate , standing at the edge of the ship)
They were facing the other side as i was approaching them.
I saw, she had her head over his lap. Sandy casually moved his hand over her head.....and slowly moved his hand down her spine
I approached the place calmly, seeing what was going on.
By this time Sandy's hand had settled in her stomach and he slid it slowly upwards and was playing with her nose.
Sandy then, bent a little and kissed her on her nose and she reciprocated the same. Sandy playfully wiped the saliva of hers, from his cheeks and tightened the grip of his hands over her and smoothly played with her hair.
I, dumbstruck, called out to check if it was really Sandy who was sitting there.
Hearing me, She got up in a jiffy and turned back,.....Yes it indeed was Dolly........
Dolly is Sandy's neighbor's Alsatian dog.
I am not a great fan of dogs. Sandy is mad about dogs. In fact he is crazy about dogs.
Last time when i had been to his house, i could see posters of a million dogs in his room.There was one photo of a street dog, which he said was his first pet in his hometown, i.e Lucknow. Also he had seven such frames of his pets at different times.Only reason he did not have a dog in this house was since the landlord had warned severely against pets.
There is no harm in having passion for dogs. Yes they are indeed loyal and playful at times.
But the problem with Sandy is he cannot resist passing comments on other's dogs as well. In fact he passes a comment on each and every dog which he comes across.
"Look this is Great dane...looks like a military personnel doesn't he"
"wow man !!, Look at her wag her tail, it is so cute"
" ooh My God. look at that Cherry pie( he never says "dog")...she reminds me of Marlyn Monroe" ( yes he says this....even though this makes us feel as if he is a bit off balance)
We keep warning him to keep his nonsense comments a bit low..but never he did.
Rax (thats me) : " Hey u look all dressed up for today " ( we all had planned to have our dinner out)
Sandy : Shut up man, i am not able to even walk.
Sarath: Good God! what the hell did you do?
Vinay: Did you try suicide after seeing yourself in mirror
( all had a hearty laugh here)
Sarath: Did you reveal to someone , you came from North?
Rax: Did you board the Ladies special train?
(Again a series of laughter here)
Sandy : Shut up you all....i am struggling in pain...( he said with an expression of disgust)
Sarath : So tell what the hell happened?
Sandy : Nothing much man......Yesterday i came early from office....so had taken Dolly for a walk down the street.
While i was crossing the signal, there was a young lady with two Dobermans, passing by.(name of a breed of dog- Also referred Police dog)
And believe me they looked so gorgeous. Especially the younger one.
Now Sandy saw us in turn, each one of us and then hung his face
The elder one was slowly gaining a growl on Dolly.
I did not notice it.I un-noticingly said "Wow She looks like Katrina".
The lady holding the dog, thought i said it to her. I dont know what differences she has with Katrina, she let loose both the dogs on us.
They started attacking Dolly and i tried to control the fight.The younger one....the beautiful one, bit me as if it was hungry for ages.And then the elder one joined as well...
( By this time we had gone mad laughing uncontrollably.....we all were rolling all over the road, holding our stomachs in laughter)
Shah Aunty (Sandy's neighbor) has said she will never let me take Dolly on rounds from now on.
(This increased our laughter even more)
After 10mins of uncontrollable laughter.
Rax: Actually you know Dogs do not like other dogs in their own territory.
So it must have got wild on you......not Dolly.
Another maniac laughter session started here.
Vinay: So Mr Katrina shall we leave if you are done with your "Dogmas"
We went all the way laughing and pulling his leg ...ooops it was injured beyond scope .....ok just teasing him.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Abon - ( Cousin of Akon)
Before I start with this blog, there are two things which should be noted here.
Thing number 1. Before you get smart and start asking me what happened to my supposed-to-be-funny blog, let me tell you that I've decided to write some serious stuff in. Thats the only way I can convey to you that apart from being a clown, I am a bit intellectual too. (Please believe me).
Thing number 2: I just came back from lunch, and I forgot this one. So lets forget it.
My company had organized a Walkathon event, wherein we alongwith our clients were supposed to take a stroll alongside the great arabian sea, from Nariman Point upto Mafatlal Bath near Charni Road station.
Yes the thought of such extreme physical activities leaves me largely exhausted....leave aside actually walking all the way through and when with clients you need to flag a smile and also keep talking ( Huh!!!).
Moreover this activity was to start at 7:45am from Nariman Point on a Sunday.
So by now people would have easily calculated my motivation level to take part in such activities.
But the best part was that this walkathon ended with a Breakfast at a posh hotel in Churchgate.
So Calculative that i am and also being very busy for such activities ( read Lazy)i had predecided my route for the event.i understood from the concerned team that of the total 4 kms to walk, 2kms were to reach Mafatlal Bath from NCPA apartments and 1.5 kms back and then take a diversion and walk 0.5 kms to the Hotel where breakfast would be served.
Basically it is like walking in a " U " direction. I mean 3/4th of an " U " and take a diversion.
So as decided i promptly reached the venue at 8:45am (instead of 7:45am.....assuming it would take atleast 60mins for people to walk 2 kms.....i told you i am calculative of arbit things). I stood as at the exact point from where the diversion was decided. Wearing a look of sick soilder,and my official Walkathon event Tshirt, i waited for the rest of "really tired co workers and clients " to join me from this point.
As i was fudging with my phone,waiting, i heard an elderly man who was seated nearby in a seat,call me. He was around 65years, wheatish in complexion and was wearing a polo t-shirt and trousers.More striking feature was his Ray ban goggles and i-pod which were fixed to his ears.( What a mix of old and new generation was he..Huh!!)
I moved towards him and he wished me said "Good Morning , I am Anutosh Banerjee"
Me: Hi I am Rax ( i have decided from now on to use this as my name in substitute)
AB: "Are you not participating?" he asked me in astounding english with an American Acsent.
Me: Actually got late, so am waiting to join them here.Are you invited as well?
AB: No no, I saw them pass by this place. Have been sitting here since 7.Having breeze you see.
Me: Yes sir,,,its good for health.You will see Anil Ambani jog as well.
AB: Yes son, do you stay nearby?
Me: No i stay at a place which is like the other side of Mumbai.This is our event for helping the underpreveleiged,so participated in it. i said as if people would just throw money at us seeing us walking.
And do you stay here sir?
AB: No, I am a retired IAS officer from the railways division.I just came here yesterday,i stay at the railway quarters for us which is at Churchgate.
Me: Ohh thats nice. So where are you from, sir?
AB: I stay at Delhi, Vasant kunj area. I live there all alone in my 4 bhk house. Its very boring after working with people surrounded all around you and then suddenly seeing that there is no one to even speak to after you retire..( he said in an emotional voice)
I understood that there is such an ill effect on Railways side being the largest employer in India.
He continued, i have 2 sons and a daughter. Daughter is married and is in Jamshedpur. Both sons are abroad.
My first son completed his Risk Management from UK and works with government there. Second son is a globe trotter. He himself never knows in which country will he wake up the next day. He basically is based out of Sweden.
Me:Thats nice, and impressive as well.
AB: Yes nice, ( He smiled in a sarcastic way, which told me his story of being lonely)
The days keep changing and the youth today dont care or even believe in elderly people's words or ideas. They are independent and want to live the moment, he said.
Me: hmmmmmm, true sir(i smiled in a compassionate way which would atleast make him feel happy that there is someone he got to speak to today)
AB: Ok leave it, here is my card, do buzz me when you are in Delhi. Ya but remember, i keep travelling throught India. If i feel i need to go to Jaipur, i just board a train and reach there.If i feel I want to see Jammu, i just go. Tomorrow i intend to go to Shimla....so if you are in Delhi just call on my cell.
The best thing in my life was i worked with the Railways and hence i have a free pass for life.
Me: Wow!!! i said as i was reading his card......"Anutosh Banerjee, IAS, Retired Railway Board..................( Actually WOW, if railways give such a facility to travel for free throughout the country, i thought,whats the harm in working with them)
AB: Whats your birthdate son? he asked me as he took my card. I said Sep....
He noted it and said....you will receive a greeting card every year from this year start. And remember it will be from me.
Me: I felt for a second very happy that i will receive a greeting card every year, that too from a person whom i met on a sunday trying to avoid my walk along the sea shore.( Can Laziness be better rewarded?)
Thank you so much for that and Sir i can see my colleagues coming here, i guess i need to go.
AB: It was a pleasure meeting you son. I dont have anything to give you apart from this chocolate here.( he fetched one out of his pockets)
Me: Thanks sir.( i said took the chocolate and walked off)
I joined my team and continued walking along side the sea thinking of my conversation with this old stranger. A few words still were running over my mind like "the youth today dont care or even believe in elderly people's words or ideas"
I smiled meekingly and saw the chocolate in my hand.
GOD What if this chocolate is drug laced? i looked behind to see if he was following me. But he was not.
Anyway i just flung the chocolate in the mighty sea and told myself, Thanks for sharing your story, i dont need the chocolate sir , just your time was enough and continued my walk to have breakfast.
........the youth today dont care or even believe in elderly people's words or ideas......
Thing number 1. Before you get smart and start asking me what happened to my supposed-to-be-funny blog, let me tell you that I've decided to write some serious stuff in. Thats the only way I can convey to you that apart from being a clown, I am a bit intellectual too. (Please believe me).
Thing number 2: I just came back from lunch, and I forgot this one. So lets forget it.
My company had organized a Walkathon event, wherein we alongwith our clients were supposed to take a stroll alongside the great arabian sea, from Nariman Point upto Mafatlal Bath near Charni Road station.
Yes the thought of such extreme physical activities leaves me largely exhausted....leave aside actually walking all the way through and when with clients you need to flag a smile and also keep talking ( Huh!!!).
Moreover this activity was to start at 7:45am from Nariman Point on a Sunday.
So by now people would have easily calculated my motivation level to take part in such activities.
But the best part was that this walkathon ended with a Breakfast at a posh hotel in Churchgate.
So Calculative that i am and also being very busy for such activities ( read Lazy)i had predecided my route for the event.i understood from the concerned team that of the total 4 kms to walk, 2kms were to reach Mafatlal Bath from NCPA apartments and 1.5 kms back and then take a diversion and walk 0.5 kms to the Hotel where breakfast would be served.
Basically it is like walking in a " U " direction. I mean 3/4th of an " U " and take a diversion.
So as decided i promptly reached the venue at 8:45am (instead of 7:45am.....assuming it would take atleast 60mins for people to walk 2 kms.....i told you i am calculative of arbit things). I stood as at the exact point from where the diversion was decided. Wearing a look of sick soilder,and my official Walkathon event Tshirt, i waited for the rest of "really tired co workers and clients " to join me from this point.
As i was fudging with my phone,waiting, i heard an elderly man who was seated nearby in a seat,call me. He was around 65years, wheatish in complexion and was wearing a polo t-shirt and trousers.More striking feature was his Ray ban goggles and i-pod which were fixed to his ears.( What a mix of old and new generation was he..Huh!!)
I moved towards him and he wished me said "Good Morning , I am Anutosh Banerjee"
Me: Hi I am Rax ( i have decided from now on to use this as my name in substitute)
AB: "Are you not participating?" he asked me in astounding english with an American Acsent.
Me: Actually got late, so am waiting to join them here.Are you invited as well?
AB: No no, I saw them pass by this place. Have been sitting here since 7.Having breeze you see.
Me: Yes sir,,,its good for health.You will see Anil Ambani jog as well.
AB: Yes son, do you stay nearby?
Me: No i stay at a place which is like the other side of Mumbai.This is our event for helping the underpreveleiged,so participated in it. i said as if people would just throw money at us seeing us walking.
And do you stay here sir?
AB: No, I am a retired IAS officer from the railways division.I just came here yesterday,i stay at the railway quarters for us which is at Churchgate.
Me: Ohh thats nice. So where are you from, sir?
AB: I stay at Delhi, Vasant kunj area. I live there all alone in my 4 bhk house. Its very boring after working with people surrounded all around you and then suddenly seeing that there is no one to even speak to after you retire..( he said in an emotional voice)
I understood that there is such an ill effect on Railways side being the largest employer in India.
He continued, i have 2 sons and a daughter. Daughter is married and is in Jamshedpur. Both sons are abroad.
My first son completed his Risk Management from UK and works with government there. Second son is a globe trotter. He himself never knows in which country will he wake up the next day. He basically is based out of Sweden.
Me:Thats nice, and impressive as well.
AB: Yes nice, ( He smiled in a sarcastic way, which told me his story of being lonely)
The days keep changing and the youth today dont care or even believe in elderly people's words or ideas. They are independent and want to live the moment, he said.
Me: hmmmmmm, true sir(i smiled in a compassionate way which would atleast make him feel happy that there is someone he got to speak to today)
AB: Ok leave it, here is my card, do buzz me when you are in Delhi. Ya but remember, i keep travelling throught India. If i feel i need to go to Jaipur, i just board a train and reach there.If i feel I want to see Jammu, i just go. Tomorrow i intend to go to Shimla....so if you are in Delhi just call on my cell.
The best thing in my life was i worked with the Railways and hence i have a free pass for life.
Me: Wow!!! i said as i was reading his card......"Anutosh Banerjee, IAS, Retired Railway Board..................( Actually WOW, if railways give such a facility to travel for free throughout the country, i thought,whats the harm in working with them)
AB: Whats your birthdate son? he asked me as he took my card. I said Sep....
He noted it and said....you will receive a greeting card every year from this year start. And remember it will be from me.
Me: I felt for a second very happy that i will receive a greeting card every year, that too from a person whom i met on a sunday trying to avoid my walk along the sea shore.( Can Laziness be better rewarded?)
Thank you so much for that and Sir i can see my colleagues coming here, i guess i need to go.
AB: It was a pleasure meeting you son. I dont have anything to give you apart from this chocolate here.( he fetched one out of his pockets)
Me: Thanks sir.( i said took the chocolate and walked off)
I joined my team and continued walking along side the sea thinking of my conversation with this old stranger. A few words still were running over my mind like "the youth today dont care or even believe in elderly people's words or ideas"
I smiled meekingly and saw the chocolate in my hand.
GOD What if this chocolate is drug laced? i looked behind to see if he was following me. But he was not.
Anyway i just flung the chocolate in the mighty sea and told myself, Thanks for sharing your story, i dont need the chocolate sir , just your time was enough and continued my walk to have breakfast.
........the youth today dont care or even believe in elderly people's words or ideas......
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Why so serious? ( Actually Why not so serious)
Sarath: Dude i lost my watch today. It was worth 5000 bucks.( Sarath my friend, about whom i have mentioned in a previous blog as well, said with a disgusted look)
Me: Oh Shit!!! " ab bahut time waste hoga na tera " ( i said with an infants smile in me)
Sarath did not understand if he should laugh or cry for that reply.
But thats me. I always have this habit of cracking bullshit jokes especially during serious moments.But it is majorly due to my parallel brain which keeps commenting on every aspect of life, every second, which comes with such wise cracks during the most difficult times.
I still remember one conversation with a friend of mine post the attack on Taj and Trident last year, by the terrorists.
I was at Bangalore when this thing happened and my friend who was in Mumbai sent a chat message to me when these events were happening.
RK: Man,,,you know the news?
Me: what?? you put papers? ( This was the only news according to me then)
RK: Not that.....there has been a terror seige in Taj and Trident hotels....many people have been kinda taken hostage. And worst is that they are burning the hotel from inside.
Me: Thats bad,,,,,but would Taj have cut the price of their dishes for today? post this?
There was a 5 minute gap when he did not reply ( may be he must be cursing me, or would be cursing himself for having said this to me or whatever)
post that he came back
RK: You are a piece of Shit.
(and he went offline)
I know that was kinda harsh. I know there has to be some perfect time to crack jokes, but this is the problem with having a parallel brain.
This phenomenon has been in me since childhood, even before i knew this was wrong or stupid.
The other day i was just thinking of how this phenomenon played role in my life and saw that every time i was punished in my school or picked up fight with friends was majorly because of this cruel thing in me.
Also i understood that i never discriminate between anyone while giving back such replies. There was a time when i used to crack such spoilers on my teachers, elderly relatives, nehibours, Boss even God at times .
But somehow this has been brought under good control by me in the past 2 years.
As many people think of , even i had decided to go slow on such wise cracks post my college, ie when i enter the corporate life.
So it was the first day in the coaching classes where i was supposed to teach mathematics.(I think,most of you guys know i started my career as a teacher in a local coaching class)
The owner of this coaching class came to me before my first lecture and gave me a piece of advice.
"Sir, this is your first lecture today.As i hope you will , i know you will, help this class grow by teaching relegiously. From the feedback i have got about you, i know you are good at studies and also teaching
(Ha...now my parallel brain started to work......"who did you ask to Mister??....i am pretty sure all the people who gave a feedback about you to me , told me you take feedback from all the wrong people..ha! my parallel brain started telling my normal brain)
"Always remember", the owner continued, "first impression is the best and the last impression....so go and give your best performance today................and remember one more thing" he said with a firm voice now " Do not crack jokes on your first day of teaching..... the students will start treating you like a friend of theirs"
Now that was a mindblowing dialouge...much smaller than ShahRukh khan's 20min motivational speech before the women's hockey team, but the last statement was the only one which stayed back in my mind.
Even while walking into the class, my parallel brain started telling me.....hey did he take feedback from the right people about you that he said the last statement ( Shut up brain......your job is not to ask me questions.....your job is to find answers for me....i told my brain and walked into the classroom)
I recited that i should be a bit serious and walked in to the class room.
After customary introduction with each of the students, i scribbled the name of the chapter on the blackboard.
When i heard " Sir , excuse me, can i come in"
In a second i understood it was a student, in the next second i understood he was late, in the third second i understood he was late by 7 mins.
So this was oppurtunity for me to show that i was a "Serious" prof and hence asked him to walk in and have a seat.I introduced myself to him and he to me. Then i like a practiced principal closed the book and turned to the class and said.
"See students, i am very, very strict when it comes to the start of my lecture here. Someone walks a couple of mins late he not only looses his time but also distracts the flow of the lecture by a few more minutes.
( Yes, you are sounding like a strict prof dude, said my brain)
From now on, no one enters my lecture late...if you are 2 mins late, you are 58 mins early for the next lecture...getting me?
(Nice one new prof, my brain said)
So set your watches to match that of mine and you should be here at the time specified for tomorrow for my lecture..am i clear, i asked with a stiff face.
"Sir but we dont have maths lecture tomorrow" said one of the students and the whole class started to giggle slowly on the reply.
"So what friend, neither do i have my watch today" i said and the whole class started to laugh wildly.
I know it was a wise crack but totally unwarranted for the situation.But thats how my career began.
I can just go on with such instances in my life....but unfortunately i have to start working on the new report which i started today.
(Dont lie....tell the truth you have to go for lunch)
....ooh dont read the previous line, it was my parallel brains work.
Me: Oh Shit!!! " ab bahut time waste hoga na tera " ( i said with an infants smile in me)
Sarath did not understand if he should laugh or cry for that reply.
But thats me. I always have this habit of cracking bullshit jokes especially during serious moments.But it is majorly due to my parallel brain which keeps commenting on every aspect of life, every second, which comes with such wise cracks during the most difficult times.
I still remember one conversation with a friend of mine post the attack on Taj and Trident last year, by the terrorists.
I was at Bangalore when this thing happened and my friend who was in Mumbai sent a chat message to me when these events were happening.
RK: Man,,,you know the news?
Me: what?? you put papers? ( This was the only news according to me then)
RK: Not that.....there has been a terror seige in Taj and Trident hotels....many people have been kinda taken hostage. And worst is that they are burning the hotel from inside.
Me: Thats bad,,,,,but would Taj have cut the price of their dishes for today? post this?
There was a 5 minute gap when he did not reply ( may be he must be cursing me, or would be cursing himself for having said this to me or whatever)
post that he came back
RK: You are a piece of Shit.
(and he went offline)
I know that was kinda harsh. I know there has to be some perfect time to crack jokes, but this is the problem with having a parallel brain.
This phenomenon has been in me since childhood, even before i knew this was wrong or stupid.
The other day i was just thinking of how this phenomenon played role in my life and saw that every time i was punished in my school or picked up fight with friends was majorly because of this cruel thing in me.
Also i understood that i never discriminate between anyone while giving back such replies. There was a time when i used to crack such spoilers on my teachers, elderly relatives, nehibours, Boss even God at times .
But somehow this has been brought under good control by me in the past 2 years.
As many people think of , even i had decided to go slow on such wise cracks post my college, ie when i enter the corporate life.
So it was the first day in the coaching classes where i was supposed to teach mathematics.(I think,most of you guys know i started my career as a teacher in a local coaching class)
The owner of this coaching class came to me before my first lecture and gave me a piece of advice.
"Sir, this is your first lecture today.As i hope you will , i know you will, help this class grow by teaching relegiously. From the feedback i have got about you, i know you are good at studies and also teaching
(Ha...now my parallel brain started to work......"who did you ask to Mister??....i am pretty sure all the people who gave a feedback about you to me , told me you take feedback from all the wrong people..ha! my parallel brain started telling my normal brain)
"Always remember", the owner continued, "first impression is the best and the last impression....so go and give your best performance today................and remember one more thing" he said with a firm voice now " Do not crack jokes on your first day of teaching..... the students will start treating you like a friend of theirs"
Now that was a mindblowing dialouge...much smaller than ShahRukh khan's 20min motivational speech before the women's hockey team, but the last statement was the only one which stayed back in my mind.
Even while walking into the class, my parallel brain started telling me.....hey did he take feedback from the right people about you that he said the last statement ( Shut up brain......your job is not to ask me questions.....your job is to find answers for me....i told my brain and walked into the classroom)
I recited that i should be a bit serious and walked in to the class room.
After customary introduction with each of the students, i scribbled the name of the chapter on the blackboard.
When i heard " Sir , excuse me, can i come in"
In a second i understood it was a student, in the next second i understood he was late, in the third second i understood he was late by 7 mins.
So this was oppurtunity for me to show that i was a "Serious" prof and hence asked him to walk in and have a seat.I introduced myself to him and he to me. Then i like a practiced principal closed the book and turned to the class and said.
"See students, i am very, very strict when it comes to the start of my lecture here. Someone walks a couple of mins late he not only looses his time but also distracts the flow of the lecture by a few more minutes.
( Yes, you are sounding like a strict prof dude, said my brain)
From now on, no one enters my lecture late...if you are 2 mins late, you are 58 mins early for the next lecture...getting me?
(Nice one new prof, my brain said)
So set your watches to match that of mine and you should be here at the time specified for tomorrow for my lecture..am i clear, i asked with a stiff face.
"Sir but we dont have maths lecture tomorrow" said one of the students and the whole class started to giggle slowly on the reply.
"So what friend, neither do i have my watch today" i said and the whole class started to laugh wildly.
I know it was a wise crack but totally unwarranted for the situation.But thats how my career began.
I can just go on with such instances in my life....but unfortunately i have to start working on the new report which i started today.
(Dont lie....tell the truth you have to go for lunch)
....ooh dont read the previous line, it was my parallel brains work.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Prisoner's Dilema...........(The plight of an Investment Banker)
Let me break the norm....usually articles carry disclaimer at the bottom , that too in invisible print, making it unreadable for anyone even with an extra pair of eyes.....however let me start this blog with a disclaimer.
First...Nah...this is not Game theory,........Second this is no where close to Nash Equilibrium (if you understand that)....Third....this is not a story of a Real Prisoner......Fourth....Even though i write all this i love my profession( i writing this statement in my complete senses also this statement is not under coercion or threat to my life)....Fifth...i am not a real prisoner( Ok i give up... i am not sure of this statement)
The actual title should have been "Life of an Investment banker".
Yet , somehow the similarities in our lives is strikingly very close that by listening to just the outline one can easily get fooled that a prisoner is an investment banker (i know prisoners will be offended being called Investment Bankers , offcourse)
"Yet at a philosophical level, a real prisoner is called a prisoner only by outsiders and an investment banker is called a prisoner only by himself and his fellow community" {i should get a statement of the millennium for this}
To start with, what will a prisoner be devoid of in the first place......a lot of thinking into it leaves us back with only 2 important facts.
One is his independence and second is his family. Ask an investment banker he will crib that it is exactly the same two things which has been snatched away from him.
Well one can always debate saying that an investment banker is cash rich. Yes this community is, but what use is of all the cash when you cannot put it to use. The highest he thinks is of the next suit he wants to purchase or the next hi-fi, wi-fi,infra, outfra blackberry or some gadget which will keep him busy even further.
I have read a lot of prisoner diaries and each one states that the first sign of a person imprisoned is , he looses sleep. Thinking of his fate, future and life, he looses sleep.Study says, probably he may sleep for say 4-5 hrs a night.
Ask an investment banker he will actually envy someone who sleeps for 4-5 hours a day.
Due to this lifestyle both of them mostly have a miserable family life. Their health conditions due to improper food (improper timing in case of investment bankers) are very fragile.
One set of prisoners spend majority of time moving heavy bricks from one place to another and another set spend in flights moving from one place to another.
The prisoners live in the fear of being caught and wacked by the Jailer for anything done or not done.Investment Bankers live in the fear of markets collapsing, clients shouting and flights delaying.
On free time the prisoners may sit and probably discuss arbit ideas and past events.
Investment bankers spend majority of their lives time in meetings and discussing arbit strategies and numbers.Both of them end up with majority of their ideas being termed "stupid" or "not feasible under present conditions" by their own fellows.
Both have a love for numbers and counting.Prisoners keep counting the number of days left to be released from the prison.Investment bankers use numbers for everything, logical or illogical.( i know a colleague of mine who says he eats his sandwich in 7mins flat.......how stupid...he keeps a count of these things.......he has said this statement 244 times i have counted.....ha ha how stupid)
Initially a person once in prison will first loose contact with his colleagues, then his friends, then family and finally enemies.
Investment bankers firstly loose all in one go.
The only contact with outside world for a prisoner is the window in his prison cell. And for an investment banker it is the "Windows"in his Dell.
At some point both doubt the existence of God.
Both think that a little more money would get them out of this vicious web.
There is no place for movies,vaccations,festivals, friends marriage, birthdays,etc. in their lives.
Last but not the least....a major chunk of prisoners will vow never ever to enter this maniac world of imprisonment again......however the Investment banker will always have a dilemma here.
I will stop here....got to catch a flight now else will be late for a meeting.
First...Nah...this is not Game theory,........Second this is no where close to Nash Equilibrium (if you understand that)....Third....this is not a story of a Real Prisoner......Fourth....Even though i write all this i love my profession( i writing this statement in my complete senses also this statement is not under coercion or threat to my life)....Fifth...i am not a real prisoner( Ok i give up... i am not sure of this statement)
The actual title should have been "Life of an Investment banker".
Yet , somehow the similarities in our lives is strikingly very close that by listening to just the outline one can easily get fooled that a prisoner is an investment banker (i know prisoners will be offended being called Investment Bankers , offcourse)
"Yet at a philosophical level, a real prisoner is called a prisoner only by outsiders and an investment banker is called a prisoner only by himself and his fellow community" {i should get a statement of the millennium for this}
To start with, what will a prisoner be devoid of in the first place......a lot of thinking into it leaves us back with only 2 important facts.
One is his independence and second is his family. Ask an investment banker he will crib that it is exactly the same two things which has been snatched away from him.
Well one can always debate saying that an investment banker is cash rich. Yes this community is, but what use is of all the cash when you cannot put it to use. The highest he thinks is of the next suit he wants to purchase or the next hi-fi, wi-fi,infra, outfra blackberry or some gadget which will keep him busy even further.
I have read a lot of prisoner diaries and each one states that the first sign of a person imprisoned is , he looses sleep. Thinking of his fate, future and life, he looses sleep.Study says, probably he may sleep for say 4-5 hrs a night.
Ask an investment banker he will actually envy someone who sleeps for 4-5 hours a day.
Due to this lifestyle both of them mostly have a miserable family life. Their health conditions due to improper food (improper timing in case of investment bankers) are very fragile.
One set of prisoners spend majority of time moving heavy bricks from one place to another and another set spend in flights moving from one place to another.
The prisoners live in the fear of being caught and wacked by the Jailer for anything done or not done.Investment Bankers live in the fear of markets collapsing, clients shouting and flights delaying.
On free time the prisoners may sit and probably discuss arbit ideas and past events.
Investment bankers spend majority of their lives time in meetings and discussing arbit strategies and numbers.Both of them end up with majority of their ideas being termed "stupid" or "not feasible under present conditions" by their own fellows.
Both have a love for numbers and counting.Prisoners keep counting the number of days left to be released from the prison.Investment bankers use numbers for everything, logical or illogical.( i know a colleague of mine who says he eats his sandwich in 7mins flat.......how stupid...he keeps a count of these things.......he has said this statement 244 times i have counted.....ha ha how stupid)
Initially a person once in prison will first loose contact with his colleagues, then his friends, then family and finally enemies.
Investment bankers firstly loose all in one go.
The only contact with outside world for a prisoner is the window in his prison cell. And for an investment banker it is the "Windows"in his Dell.
At some point both doubt the existence of God.
Both think that a little more money would get them out of this vicious web.
There is no place for movies,vaccations,festivals, friends marriage, birthdays,etc. in their lives.
Last but not the least....a major chunk of prisoners will vow never ever to enter this maniac world of imprisonment again......however the Investment banker will always have a dilemma here.
I will stop here....got to catch a flight now else will be late for a meeting.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
3 Idiots discussing 3 Idiots
I had started writing this post long back but was able to conclude it only today.
This is no secret that 3 idiots has been termed the Best movie by a great margin when box office collections are the only criteria.
It has already grossed Rs315crores in the last week closing. It is , study says , people like me who see movies more than once, which has caused the exponential rise of the collections.
Yes i saw the movie twice. The second time i was fortunate to see the movie along with a couple of friends of mine. Sarath, who is a Professor at a local Coaching classes and the other one is Vinay who works in a private firm and is a die hard movie maniac. ( names of their companies withheld on their request,...no pestering........Initially i tried to convince Sarath that his employer advertises on any vacant space in the stations, including public toilets.....my blogsite was much better than that,,but he dint budge)
I recollect our fun filled conversation post the movie
Vinay: Man this movie was amazing!!( this is his usual......i remember he told this after he had seen some Uday Chopra movie as well)
Sarath: from the corner of his lip shooted "Yeah....like any of Aamir films"
Me: "Yeah man worth every rupee we spent in the theatre"
Vinay: See he started his "everything - is - money" talks ( he pointed at me shaking his head in disgust)
Me: No man,,,am just telling something i read in the ET today ""It seems it has grossed the highest in the history of Bollywood...already a few hundred crores if i am not wrong."
Vinay: See he started his Eco times, business standard again. Then he continued , controlling his laugh.."hey Sarath you know what, i think this guy here is by mistake born into Tamil bhramin community ...he should have been a "baniya".
Sarath: sensing opportunity " what baniya...he cant sell a simple baniyan what baniya will he become" ( and this was reason enough for them to laugh wildly at my expense)
Vinay: But you know what he in order to save money must have stopped wearing Baniyan (Another stupid joke which was over-exaggeratedly laughed by the other two idiots)
Sarath: Yeah man....this guy always gets around pulling everyones leg...."aaj fasa apne paas"
The vengence pining mind of mine started to search for some topic which could get these two back to ground.
Me: No man not that, you know what Ghajini took 13 weeks to gross Rs 200 cr, but this movie had already made more than a 100cr in the first week.( i quoted confidently as i was sure they wont question my numbers)
Vinay: So whats are you trying to tell?
Me: It is not because of Aamir starring it that it grossed this high........
Sarath: Then? You mean its because of Prof Viru SahastaBhuddi?( name of Boman Iriani in this movie) (Again he started laughing thinking Vinay would join him, but Vinay as i know him, when thrown a point to think will think on it seriously)
Me: What i am trying to tell here is not the actor who is driving the sales......but it is the concept.............
Vinay: Yes man....even Tare Zameen par was a great hit....it was a tax free one right??
( Yes..Vinay.....i don't care ,,,if it was tax free... but you have already come to my line of thinking that's more important you fool...i thought to tell, but instead i choose to say)
Yes man.,.....this whole education system is like......... that shoe polish wala ( i pointed at one as we were walking)
Suppose that our brains are the shoes.....the schools think that just wiping the dust out of shoes is enough......so people end up trying to upgrade to polishing shoes....i.e the coaching classes ( i purposely pointed at Sarath) and these people think polishing is our job and they do it just for the heck of it......i think, they think that once polished the shoes wont accumulate dust ever.......and they don't care if the shoes get dirty once the person who came to have his shoes leaves their place.
Sarath: His eyebrows raised .....his ego being thrashed on being compared to a product used to polish shoes....looked more like a criminal standing in a courtroom facing infinite audience and a stern judge.
Vinay: Yes man...actually the whole education system needs a rethink.........but these coaching classes have already made a business and livelihood out of it, .............this whole change would take an era to get started...........
Sarath: See we serve what people want us for...(said he in a defeated voice)
Vinay: Cmon dude....there can be better ways to teach.....now since you guys charge so exorbitant fees anyways......why don't you provide practical knowledge......whose going to gain by learning that Sulphur plus certain quantity of oxygen is equal to sulphur dioxide. Instead show students it practical use in some industry ....u know these things can be done but have become a victim of the cycle....no use now.
I will actually stop this conversation here, as post this Sarath tried his best defending by trying to justify his work and even comparing it to Mother Theresa's.....but he dint succeed as Vinay was confronting each of his trial with a suiting reply.
He then even moved on to abusing and cursing Vinay and me, but i enjoyed the whole scene and even teased him off to pay for the "Vada Pav" we had.
(Just by saying...these coaching classes profs don't spend a single buck man.....did this magic)
I kept mute and my mind was dancing and laughing at his plight.......(Ha! , it said, Sarath try your luck some other day to pull my leg)
This is no secret that 3 idiots has been termed the Best movie by a great margin when box office collections are the only criteria.
It has already grossed Rs315crores in the last week closing. It is , study says , people like me who see movies more than once, which has caused the exponential rise of the collections.
Yes i saw the movie twice. The second time i was fortunate to see the movie along with a couple of friends of mine. Sarath, who is a Professor at a local Coaching classes and the other one is Vinay who works in a private firm and is a die hard movie maniac. ( names of their companies withheld on their request,...no pestering........Initially i tried to convince Sarath that his employer advertises on any vacant space in the stations, including public toilets.....my blogsite was much better than that,,but he dint budge)
I recollect our fun filled conversation post the movie
Vinay: Man this movie was amazing!!( this is his usual......i remember he told this after he had seen some Uday Chopra movie as well)
Sarath: from the corner of his lip shooted "Yeah....like any of Aamir films"
Me: "Yeah man worth every rupee we spent in the theatre"
Vinay: See he started his "everything - is - money" talks ( he pointed at me shaking his head in disgust)
Me: No man,,,am just telling something i read in the ET today ""It seems it has grossed the highest in the history of Bollywood...already a few hundred crores if i am not wrong."
Vinay: See he started his Eco times, business standard again. Then he continued , controlling his laugh.."hey Sarath you know what, i think this guy here is by mistake born into Tamil bhramin community ...he should have been a "baniya".
Sarath: sensing opportunity " what baniya...he cant sell a simple baniyan what baniya will he become" ( and this was reason enough for them to laugh wildly at my expense)
Vinay: But you know what he in order to save money must have stopped wearing Baniyan (Another stupid joke which was over-exaggeratedly laughed by the other two idiots)
Sarath: Yeah man....this guy always gets around pulling everyones leg...."aaj fasa apne paas"
The vengence pining mind of mine started to search for some topic which could get these two back to ground.
Me: No man not that, you know what Ghajini took 13 weeks to gross Rs 200 cr, but this movie had already made more than a 100cr in the first week.( i quoted confidently as i was sure they wont question my numbers)
Vinay: So whats are you trying to tell?
Me: It is not because of Aamir starring it that it grossed this high........
Sarath: Then? You mean its because of Prof Viru SahastaBhuddi?( name of Boman Iriani in this movie) (Again he started laughing thinking Vinay would join him, but Vinay as i know him, when thrown a point to think will think on it seriously)
Me: What i am trying to tell here is not the actor who is driving the sales......but it is the concept.............
Vinay: Yes man....even Tare Zameen par was a great hit....it was a tax free one right??
( Yes..Vinay.....i don't care ,,,if it was tax free... but you have already come to my line of thinking that's more important you fool...i thought to tell, but instead i choose to say)
Yes man.,.....this whole education system is like......... that shoe polish wala ( i pointed at one as we were walking)
Suppose that our brains are the shoes.....the schools think that just wiping the dust out of shoes is enough......so people end up trying to upgrade to polishing shoes....i.e the coaching classes ( i purposely pointed at Sarath) and these people think polishing is our job and they do it just for the heck of it......i think, they think that once polished the shoes wont accumulate dust ever.......and they don't care if the shoes get dirty once the person who came to have his shoes leaves their place.
Sarath: His eyebrows raised .....his ego being thrashed on being compared to a product used to polish shoes....looked more like a criminal standing in a courtroom facing infinite audience and a stern judge.
Vinay: Yes man...actually the whole education system needs a rethink.........but these coaching classes have already made a business and livelihood out of it, .............this whole change would take an era to get started...........
Sarath: See we serve what people want us for...(said he in a defeated voice)
Vinay: Cmon dude....there can be better ways to teach.....now since you guys charge so exorbitant fees anyways......why don't you provide practical knowledge......whose going to gain by learning that Sulphur plus certain quantity of oxygen is equal to sulphur dioxide. Instead show students it practical use in some industry ....u know these things can be done but have become a victim of the cycle....no use now.
I will actually stop this conversation here, as post this Sarath tried his best defending by trying to justify his work and even comparing it to Mother Theresa's.....but he dint succeed as Vinay was confronting each of his trial with a suiting reply.
He then even moved on to abusing and cursing Vinay and me, but i enjoyed the whole scene and even teased him off to pay for the "Vada Pav" we had.
(Just by saying...these coaching classes profs don't spend a single buck man.....did this magic)
I kept mute and my mind was dancing and laughing at his plight.......(Ha! , it said, Sarath try your luck some other day to pull my leg)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
From CST to Nariman , with hate...
i am pretty sure that i have been bragging a lot about my train travels to CST among other things....however there is also an interesting dimension to look at when you see my travel from CST to office which is located at Nariman Point.
First and the most important thing is to decide on how to reach Nariman point from CST Station.( I mean using public mode of transport here....i have still not purchased my BMW).So you have 4 options to choose from
1) The most preferred one - Share cab
2) Rent a cab- i mean the normal cab carrying just you & the driver taking you around
3) Bus Number 1 - the desired 1
4) Simply walk to office- the most practical
So when i joined this firm and was all motivated beyond reach to reach office i startted with the first option ( this i tried for a few days)
So if one has to reach office in 5 mins from CST station , this is the most preferred mode. However there is a special cost attached to such a travel.I mean not the Rupee cost but...the cost of discomfort. I know i cant be any more unclear here...so let me speak precisely. One has to board this share taxi after fighting with many others who are waiting for it and board in as one of the five people (apart from the driver). There are 1/5 probability you get in first.But really speaking...probability distribution is not for sitting in share cabs.
Even when u are the first to board the cab or the last,...discomfort is completly guarenteed.
If you sit in the rear seat you would either be sitting on one half of your side or on someone's lap,.. If you sit in the front seat...either the door will hurt you or the driver will constantly ask you to move aside from his steering wheel.
Secondly its the normal cab. Now the issue with this is it would cost you Rs 25 to reach from CST to Nariman point. Forget you paying the cost...but when the driver charges Rs 10 per seat and kicks in 5 people in a share cab, he makes Rs 50 for the same trip.
So,very logically one would not get a cab to reach Nariman point unless you have reached there on a holiday or at odd hours.
Bus number 1- This is my new found love. This is usually a double decker bus which will take you around a lot of places before reaching Nariman point in 15-20 mins time.But believe me for Rs 4 that is charged...you can sit comfortably and if you happen to sit in the upper floor of the bus,,,you can feel like a king being taken around in an elephant.
I usually try to get the first seat in that bus.....so its like sitting in the number 1 seat in bus number 1 ( the mathematical side of my brain is very satisfied with such a travel)
Then there is this beautiful morning breeze which kisses your face...you can also see lot of people rushing for their office...people selling snacks by roadside...and the most striking of all is when you cross the Azad Maidan area...here you can see joggers,cyclists, people playing cricket...i even see a group of girls playing cricket ( this happens only in Mumbai)...then there are these Fat rich guys trying to play with their Fatter dogs (Why do rich people always want to loose fat and in the same time they want their dogs to look fat and shiny, i wonder)
But all this luxury comes with the cost of standing in the long queue which takes 15 mins to accomplish.Given the urgency to reach office this is a bit of a task for me.
Lets not hope that i get into the last option which i have stated. I know i am growing fat,, i know i have no exercise except that to my jaw ( while speaking and eating, that is), In my previous job i atleast used to type...now even that has been reduced to like less than 20%.
Given these facts people close to me have been trying to convince me to start walking. Initially they said i should start walking to and back from office. When i was reluctant, they said "ok try walking while going to office"...then it came down to "atleast try walking while you are done with work".
I kept looking up the sky and continued whistling ...when they finally gave up.
First and the most important thing is to decide on how to reach Nariman point from CST Station.( I mean using public mode of transport here....i have still not purchased my BMW).So you have 4 options to choose from
1) The most preferred one - Share cab
2) Rent a cab- i mean the normal cab carrying just you & the driver taking you around
3) Bus Number 1 - the desired 1
4) Simply walk to office- the most practical
So when i joined this firm and was all motivated beyond reach to reach office i startted with the first option ( this i tried for a few days)
So if one has to reach office in 5 mins from CST station , this is the most preferred mode. However there is a special cost attached to such a travel.I mean not the Rupee cost but...the cost of discomfort. I know i cant be any more unclear here...so let me speak precisely. One has to board this share taxi after fighting with many others who are waiting for it and board in as one of the five people (apart from the driver). There are 1/5 probability you get in first.But really speaking...probability distribution is not for sitting in share cabs.
Even when u are the first to board the cab or the last,...discomfort is completly guarenteed.
If you sit in the rear seat you would either be sitting on one half of your side or on someone's lap,.. If you sit in the front seat...either the door will hurt you or the driver will constantly ask you to move aside from his steering wheel.
Secondly its the normal cab. Now the issue with this is it would cost you Rs 25 to reach from CST to Nariman point. Forget you paying the cost...but when the driver charges Rs 10 per seat and kicks in 5 people in a share cab, he makes Rs 50 for the same trip.
So,very logically one would not get a cab to reach Nariman point unless you have reached there on a holiday or at odd hours.
Bus number 1- This is my new found love. This is usually a double decker bus which will take you around a lot of places before reaching Nariman point in 15-20 mins time.But believe me for Rs 4 that is charged...you can sit comfortably and if you happen to sit in the upper floor of the bus,,,you can feel like a king being taken around in an elephant.
I usually try to get the first seat in that bus.....so its like sitting in the number 1 seat in bus number 1 ( the mathematical side of my brain is very satisfied with such a travel)
Then there is this beautiful morning breeze which kisses your face...you can also see lot of people rushing for their office...people selling snacks by roadside...and the most striking of all is when you cross the Azad Maidan area...here you can see joggers,cyclists, people playing cricket...i even see a group of girls playing cricket ( this happens only in Mumbai)...then there are these Fat rich guys trying to play with their Fatter dogs (Why do rich people always want to loose fat and in the same time they want their dogs to look fat and shiny, i wonder)
But all this luxury comes with the cost of standing in the long queue which takes 15 mins to accomplish.Given the urgency to reach office this is a bit of a task for me.
Lets not hope that i get into the last option which i have stated. I know i am growing fat,, i know i have no exercise except that to my jaw ( while speaking and eating, that is), In my previous job i atleast used to type...now even that has been reduced to like less than 20%.
Given these facts people close to me have been trying to convince me to start walking. Initially they said i should start walking to and back from office. When i was reluctant, they said "ok try walking while going to office"...then it came down to "atleast try walking while you are done with work".
I kept looking up the sky and continued whistling ...when they finally gave up.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Great Weekend.
...so after a hectic week, filled with analysis , reports , maket ups , market downs,client meetings and even more client meetings.... what one would look ahead for is a calm and peaceful weekend. So there would be no worry about the 7:04ST train which i need to catch, no worry to push a million people to get a little leg room, no worry to keep the three news papers nicely folded and held at various possible places a body can accomodate, no fear of somone picking my cellphone or purse while boarding the train and many such things.
So practically by the word "peaceful" i would mean this:
I wake up at around 9 or 10 in the morning. Have a nice cup of hot tea.
while having tea read all the hopeless things which were shortlisted to become the days news.
Read about why India lost again in the cricket, football, hockey and world literacy games.
Read a review of some pathetic movie eg Pyar impossible or Dulha Mil gaya..which got a highest of 2 stars from among the 4 newspapers i usually read, and feel happy about reading the review.If you see each review for such movies is excellently worded to help the general public understand that the 100 odd bucks spent in buying air bubble solution would be more worth more than the same money spent seeing the movie.
Then have a nice breakfast and burn the time doing just nothing.
There are times in life when you feel happy about doing just nothing.
Take a nice afternoon nap and take an evening stroll to meet old friends who are always happy and have more knowledge about "Fun-filled life" and "cricket" ....always.( All my friends have)
Then in the night see some movie , have dinner and off to bed.
This was what i had visualised till Friday. However this was what happened
I had to work over the weekend as well. So woke up at 6 as usual. Went to take bath and the electricity went off. So had to take bath in the cold water , which reduced the time i would have otherwise spent in taking bath ( old science funda- cold contracts, heat expands)
Gulped my break-fast,very fast and ran to catch the train. Now as usual you have this pathetic service of Central Railways which will sting you when you want it the least.
So it found Saturday to be the perfect day to play with commuters and my 7:04 was cancelled. I caught the next train which came overflowing with human beings and their sweat odour.
i was compelled to board this train and for no reason had to pick up fights with people whom i dont know.
The most striking thing was that i managed to get a place (For standing that is) and the person who was sitting in my nearby seat would in constant interval , see around in quick succession and tighten his grip over his bag. This would give an average person a feeling that this chap is going to get up now and you will get the seat. This he did till he reached CST station.(bloody pig)
Then i got into a more-than-capacity filled taxi as the 6th person.( no it was not a six seater- it was the usual Premeier Padmini model which was used as a SUV by the driver). These are time times when you feel, Is Raj correct?? ( i mean Thackrey)
Then i will skip many details in between but would like to say that i returned home at 4 in the afternoon, after which i was already too tired to even read the review of a hit movie. Review of Pyar impossible was really impossible to read.
Then came a relative of mine at 5, who was explaining how merrily he spent the morning cruising in his new Bajaj Pulsar 180CC bike. And how he saw 3 idiots again (4 time, he confessed) just to spend time with his friends.
By the time he had left, i had to rush for my music class and then i came back at 9.
All i remember after that was i had again gulped my dinner and rushed to bed so that i can wake up early to check and gather the Income tax declaration documents which was to be submitted on Monday.
Happy weekend to me.
Someone suggested the title to be put as "New year,,,new weekend" when i protested this was not a new weekend, this was kinda usual.
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