How to rule a country

" How to rule a country "

Well i have had serious considerations for alternate employment. Not that i hate my present occupation. I really love it ........ i mean really really more than the new pair of socks which i purchased last week. ....... But then there are times when you open your eyes to happenings around your mortal body and find everything is controlled. (In simple English it means beyond - your - control)

Yes we are an In-dependent country . I have no Doubts about that. No doubts that we took the option to be controlled by uneducated and insensitive crooks rather than being controlled by white skinned dummies. But almost every nation in the world map has been ruled by some foreigner, sometime.
For what History states, only three nations have never let themselves be ruled by foreigners. They are China, Afghanistan, and Abyssinia. These are the only three nations I admire. But that's different.

The point i was trying to make is this. For sometime now i have been studying how India works. I mean how is it being operated by people who have Italian Pasta or Punjabi rotis for lunch ( Whom do they have for lunch? no i mean what do they have for lunch??). It seemed a bit tough and expensive to crack that. So over the weekend i decided to write down my own principles to run a country. Yes offcourse they are just some Noble thoughts i gathered from existing politicians and their ideas.

How to start? Say you are given a country to run then these are some basics you should adhere to.

1) Honor: Create a false sense of Honor for the place they live in. Give it a fancy emotional adjective - say Motherland ( i know except Germany all nations have used this trick already..............and for those who dont know Germany is called Fatherland and never Motherland)
Offcourse those who dont find honor in the nation once we declare it as "Honorable" , they are terrorists. Simple. Now they can be excluded or executed.

2) Subdivision : We have taken a slice of this idea from foreigners "Divide and rule policy" . Hey but this is for commonman's good. We are creating different states for effective administration (read: a Series of bosses). And what more.... the common man will appoint your area head, who will appoint a regional head who will appoint a divisional head. See your choice of appointment is so important. ( just ensure the divisional head always chooses to lick your shoes)
So any great thing happening in your town, you can always praise the Government for its ideas and policies.

3) Security: Now that, except the above three countries all have been ruled atleast once by foreigners, we can always sell this as a concept. We can keep telling the commoners that "We" the government protect you from being slaved and told to do what someone else wants you to do. So simply listen to what "We" say and ask you to do.

Inspite of this , If someone strikes a bomb at anypart of your country, you can do two things. 1) The culprit is the country which you had immediate enmity with and 2) point the Divisional heads for this mishap and mismanagement. So any un-great thing happening in your town, you can always put it on the divisional head who will put it on the regional head who will put it on the area head who will say, the head of some other division was responsible. And this keeps going on.
Make it such a mess that the common man feels its better to be forgot than fought.

4) Media: This is the most important piece. Be it any form, the government controls it. So if there is a major law and order problem which might put the government to shame, ensure it is covered properly and put in the most un-important section in the media where no one would ever notice. And remember, the wordings have to be soft and short. Afterall, as a commonman one is supposed to have short memory of happenings. Again you have the liberty to create un important issues and make it the headlines.

5) Corporates and Inflation: These are the two key words to ensure your son studies at Harvard or Oxford and joins politics once he is done with his studies. Well this is a tricky one as well. You have to ensure there is a constant rise in price of the basic ingredients ( so that the corporates can make unreasonable profits ) and you have to see to it that there are no Satyagraha type protest for them.The increase in price has to be reasonably shared between the corporate and you. If there is any hue or cry about it. Just ensure you have a Oxford educated Economist in your panel, having a sober image and simple face who says " Inflation will come down in the coming quarter." Also after a few lines ensure you say this "Inflation is a by-product of growth. If you want your Nation to grow, Inflation is inevitable".

There is one more idea. If the price of salt is Rs 10/kg today, increase it to Rs100/kg in the next week. People will shout that this is injustice the inflation (rise in price ) is 900%. Let this go on..... Next week increase the price by Rs 1/kg (ie a price of Rs 101/kg) . Now declare the inflation has come down to 1% compared to 900% last week. Common man will say, see the government cares...... they brought the inflation down. But use this tool rationally when you want support. If not needed support server yourself first. (See i told you, you need honest looking Oxford educated guys with you)

6) Scams: These are tools to be used when your companion gets idea of withdrawing support to you. Help him without evidence, when he commits the scam. And then use that to your benefit. There are many avenues, like telecom Spectrum, Cricket matches, train derailments etc. Take an appropriate pick.
(Quiet rational - if someone has to be your companion, ensure he has a criminal background or atleast a criminal mindset, so that you can ensure you are safe always)

7) Dressing: This is the most important one. You may roam around in German cars, might have a home made of Italian marble (see this country comes again), might be hawking for chinese food, your children may be at US universities or whatever..... but you should ensure your dress code is "traditional".
You will definitely have umpteen choices as different regions based on thier climatic conditions would be using different clothing style. So dont worry.

8) Discussions: Ensure personally important matters are cleared by your team at a faster pace. For example if you want a three fold hike, clear it immediately. Floods , rural suicides , power shortage, creeping inflation and all can wait.


Well actually the list can just go on and i have just infinite ideas. But these eight points will ensure a fool proof life as a ruler.

Well there is one more point which i was a bit sceptical if i should write. As soon as you get the rules for survival from a person, destroy him. He is dangerous.