To President Obama,
Your excellency, I read today in one of our morning dailies , that you would be coming to India in the month of November.
I smiled immediately. Really
Sir, it would be just great if this is really going to happen. You see, Our country is in its highest growth trajectory. Atleast, Sir, that's what i have read in the same morning daily. This is when i became skeptical about the authenticity of the news. I mean , the news that you are going to come to our country. Hence i thought to mail you directly.
Sir you see, our's is a very different country with diverse population. But one thing is common with us. It is that our memory is short lived. But that's good actually. Else people would start wearing masks again , fearing swine flu has not gone completely.
Sir, thanks to your country's economists, we too have been deriving growth numbers by the expenses we make. After all savings are so yesterday .
And we have been posting great growth numbers.
However Sir don't jump off your seat at the point that you are blessed enough to see our country on official visit during your term as the President of USA. Almost all the ex-Presidents of your country have done it. Sir , even Shakira once came here. But that's different. You can ask your immediate predecessor Mr Bush or his predecessor Mr Clinton who have paid visits to India during their terms, about India. They will vouch that "India was in its highest growth trajectory "even then. And yes you will also be garlanded when you arrive here in your Air force One flight. (Sir , we have grown enough now, to have our own Air force one. Even our President flies in one. I know the definition of "President" is different in each of our countries in terms of responsibilities. But Sir!! definition of Charter Aeroplane is the same , after all)
Sir just to keep you updated on what i have researched about US President's visiting India. Sir , i feel they get tainted post their visit to our country. I mean, Mr Bush was pushed back and forth with the Afghanistan issue and Mr Clinton, Sir , that you know . So be careful Sir. I have high regard for you. It feels nice to see you play with your kids on the humongous lawn of your house. White house.
Sir, even we have our version of White house. It is actually better than yours. It is called the Taj Mahal. But we dont allow individuals to enter the place. Atleast thats what is told to us Sir.
Well Sir, i can suggest some places where you should visit when you come here sir. I am a good guide you see.
I understand you would come only post Diwali festival here. Sir, Diwali is the festival wherein we celebrate the victory of good over evil by bursting crackers.
There is a lot of noise and fire everywhere. Dont worry sir. You will not miss any action even though you are late. Sir i suggest you take a look at Andhra Pradesh or Orissa or Jammu and Cashmir (oh I misspelled) . These places have been showing some fire and some cracking. Afterall it is about deciding who is good....... no i mean who is winning over whom.
Our Prime Minister might suggest you to take the Nature Cure massage in the state of Kerala. God's own country, it is sir. Oh !! No Sir, it has been renamed "Keralam". I know you would be wondering what is the point in renaming a state. That too one which is God's own. But Sir, We have renamed cities, states, towns and even villages quiet easily. Sir we even rename ourselves numerologically.We are the inventors of Zero , you see (I mean the number ,Sir) . We love anything that is number.
Well Sir, Coming back to the massage theme. I suggest it would be boring and a waste of your expensive time to go all the way to Keralam for a massage. Instead i suggest sir, you take a local suburban train ride from Virar station to Dadar Stations in Mumbai . You will experience a new form of body massage.And for that too for Free. (You are our guest . And we treat guests with respect.)
Again you would be asked to see Bangalore, Mysore ,Chennai and other such places. No need Sir. These are the places which virtually run your country now. You would not feel very distant from your homeland there.
Sir, No !! Dont even think about going to Taj Mahal . No i dont mean the Hotel. They say, Its safe now. I mean India's White House. Sir Everyone goes there. Even Prince Charles went there. You have to be different Sir. Moreover everyone will be seeing you. Just you. I know that is very awefull to be the center of attraction.
So, Sir I suggest you wait at Dadar Station. Dadar station is the only railway station common to both the Central and the Western lines of the local railway network in Mumbai. Sir , Trust me, No one would give a damn about you standing there. Some may even bump into you and swear you for standing there, but wont identify you. ( Sometimes it feels so good when someone does not know who we are. People become so original then)
Our Prime Minister, i am sure, would have been happy if you could have come in before October to see the development work going around in Delhi, his state, for the Commonwealth Games which we are hosting. Dont worry Sir. You wont miss much. You can see the same underconstruction roads, pavements, bannerholdings, till you go back. Yes that is well post the commonwealth games conclusion.Infact you can comeover next year at the same time and yes....you guessed it right ......it will be the same. After all this exercise was just for the Commonwealth games. Once the games are done we dont waste our time and energy into it.
There is one more place in India which i suggest strongly that you visit. It is Bhopal. Yes you got it right sir. This is exactly the place where your countryman worked and leaked gas two decades ago for which our judicial system found him guilty now. No Sir !! dont feel bad about the episode. You should feel proud about being in America . Sir, You know what....... the total compensation that was awarded to those affected by the tragedy is not even a fraction of the compensation which you sought from the Oil companies who spilled oil in your waterzone and affected the marine life.
Yes i know you will be smiling now. You should. And you got it right sir. The value of a fish in America is much much more than the cost of a life in India. You are brilliant sir.
Just a small suggestion as they say in some countries. Like in China you should not give anyone a lantern to anyone . In Brazil people dont give gifts that are purple or black etc. We dont mind any gift Sir, but please ensure you dont use non parliamentary words. No i dont mean bad words. I mean words like "Inflation", "Poverty", " Declining Agricultural output " "Fodder hoarding" , Or anything related to games. It is a trend here to associate scamsters with games.
Otherwise we are shining.
Once again, Namaste and welcome to India ,President Obama.
